Couldn’t You Just Wear A Hat?

Let’s just get one thing straight here, okay? They’re not hair, they’re not a funky hat, they’re not even colorful scarves.

They’re tentacles. On your head.

And unless you’re sleeping in the sunken city of R’lyeh, that’s just wrong. Very, very wrong.

Look, I’m not one to tell you how or what you should be running around as. If you want to play that you’re a cloned human bounty hunter – hey, great, have fun. If you want to be a reformed Tuskan Raider that’s on a quest to clear his people’s name, okay, sure, I’m with you. Heck, you can even play a short Wookie Dark Jedi that thinks he’s an Ewok. Cool beans.

But just because I don’t pass judgment upon your preferred choice of looks doesn’t mean you’re free to approach me and strike up a conversation about how attractive your blue tentacle-headed body is. Because, I’m sad to say, my interest in your anatomy is likely to stop at right about the time I notice you have extra appendages growing out of your skull.

Xenophobic? Well, no, I don’t think I am. I mean, I’ll sit down with you and share a tasty beverage. I will laugh and high-five you when we toss onion rings onto the horns of a nearby Zabrak. We can even giggle like schoolgirls as we swap Nair for a Wookie’s shampoo. But I’m not going to sit down and watch you gyrate, okay? Not even if the music is REALLY good.

Look, it’s nothing personal. I don’t hate you, your species, your planet, or what have you. I just don’t find you attractive. And if you approach me and begin telling me how incredibly sexy you are, you rapidly go from ‘unattractive’ to ‘downright annoying’ faster than an Ewok on a speeder.

Alright, I will accept that you have boobies. However, so do Wookies. I rest my case. Here’s your player-granted badge of “Most Dissillusioned.” Have fun.

Personally, I think it’s a shame that we’re living in an age of clones, and I’ve yet to see ANY armies of Gillian Andersons running around. I mean, honestly, people. What good is cloning if you’re not going to do something useful with it? I think all of the NPCs should be fired and replaced with Gillian clones. THEN we’d actually have a reason to hang out at Cantinas!

Don’t give me that crap about existing in another Galaxy or a time long, long in the future; if the Force can make some goombah able to block blaster shots with a flashlight, it can damn well go fetch me a couple of hairs from the future!

Now THAT would’ve been a worthwhile race: Gillianites. Yeah. Instead, we’ve got Octopus-heads. And they’re supposed to be sexy?

Alright, someone raid Raph’s house and take away his copy of the Necronomicon right now!