Yoda, I Am Not…

Posted September 5th, 2003 under JG.

We all know I love Jumpgate.

I could go on and on about the combat missions, the squad vs. squad interactions, the truckers wings that I think are insane for cruising through a sector full of flux in a tow with roughly the maneuverability of my ass in a lounge chair…

But we all know that, right? The true shocker here…and brace yourselves folks, this is a big one:

I’m not too bad at this game.

It’s true. I’m not the greatest or anything, and I won’t be rushing out to challenge Liet or G.Rasputin, or cruising to Conflux space to take on the uber flux, or anything that foolish. But on an average day, I can launch, kick the crap out of a lot of flux, and return to the station without crashing. Which is a lot more than most people would expect of me, let me tell you right now.

Of course, this simply means that I have now set myself up for complete and utter failure.

The problem is, in a normal MOG, I get into it, realize that I suck horribly, and play accordingly. However, here in Jumpgate, I feel a bit confident. So confident, in fact, that I’ve made the mistake of mentoring people who were, in turn, foolish enough to listen to me.

The result is there are now several people in the game that think I know what I’m doing. You might recognize them by their unfailing urge to open the throttle up whilst attempting to dock, attempting to battle mantas with 5% armor in their starter ship, trying to tell everyone where the pirate they just spotted is on open chat (the same open chat that pirate is listening to), or even attempting to ram flux in a suicidal charge.

Some of these, I have to admit, were things that I’ve done. However, let me just clarify for the sake of the pirates that keep showing up in my sector and blasting my shields away before flying off (for those of you that have never experienced this before, this is about as calming as a 300-pound linebacker coming up to you and chanting, “BLOOD…BLOOD…BLOOOOOOOD!” while stroking your face with their bloody palms): I do not advocate broadcasting the locations of pirates. I have never had a pirate down me, and I’m not really eager to give them a reason to start. Some day I would like to become a bounty hunter, but I will fly with full Honor Guard flags and try to make as good a sport of it as people that are trying to blow the hell out of each other possibly can make.

But for right now, I’m trying to get the almighty 26th level, at which point I can begin doing all sorts of crazy things – cargo runs, good mining, a real fighter – these are a few of my favorite things!

On the way, though, I’m trying to get new people involved in the game. I tell them how much fun I have, how exciting some of Mistake’s and mine fights with flux have been, what it’s like to down a BIG flux for the very first time…and then people sign on to the game and I teach them how to ram a station, over and over.


I would like to blame my poor judgment on the distortion of space. When you’re looking at a ship from the outside, it really does look like you’ve got TONS of room between it and the station. I can’t help it that NetDevil hasn’t put in a tow beam to let you drag people into the station docking ring. Obviously, this is a conspiracy against me. I tried to do my best – I thought she had PLENTY of room to slow down between her and the station. I calculated that she would have enough room to open her engines up and then coast down to proper docking speed in the distance she had left. Granted, I kind of forget about telling her to turn her engines off right away after hitting them, but I can’t really be blamed for that. It was an accident.

Just like the next time she flew with me and accidentally launched four purgatory missiles at me…

Leave a Comment

  • (will not be published)