They Kill People For That, Don’t They? Please?

We’ve all met someone like him.

Sometimes he’s on your side, sometimes, the enemies. Doesn’t really matter. It’s annoying no matter WHOSE side he’s on.

He had nothing to do with you getting killed, was nowhere NEAR you when you got killed, didn’t even see you GET killed… but he’s the first one to charge over, laugh at your corpse, and then sit on your head.

Doesn’t matter that you’ve killed him fifty times in a row prior to this, of course. Doesn’t even matter that he’s twenty levels beneath you and couldn’t even touch you in a fight, let alone kill you.

Because here he is, giving your corpse an asshat, and in his tiny little pea of a mind, that makes him cool.

It’s one thing if you get killed by someone in a good fight, one or even two on one, a nice give and take. Or when you get zerged, and are left lying in a broken heap by a vastly outnumbering and out-gunning opponent, but they merely roll on.


When you’ve just been steamrolled by a dozen uber ninjas that diced you into a dozen pieces before you could say, “Hrmm, I wonder what’s causing all this lag…” and then out pops Doofus T. Goombah in all his idiot glory. Running around, surveying the corpses of you and your fellow defenders like a neurotic buzzard before finally deciding whose face to settle on first. But not right away, of course. First you have to endure him taking half an hour to line up the ‘perfect’ screen shot that he’s obviously going to completely screw up before he posts it to message boards with such witty titles as “HA HA OMG!!!1!1! THES GUYZ R KILT N DED HAR HAR!!” or “HAY MID WAHT HAPENZ WEHN WE CATHC U ON R TURPH” or even “Here’s My Effort to Make Up for Years of Having to Share the Showers in Gym Class With Boys That Were WAY More Developed Than Me.”

And that’s bad. But even worse is when this goombah’s on YOUR side. If he’s on the enemy realm’s team, well, then he’s just one of their idiots, and aren’t they all like that, really? But when he’s on YOUR team…

Honestly, you just want to kill him yourself. See, that’s one thing I like about the PvP servers. The ability, nay, the very moral imperative, to punch someone in the throat if said person’s acting like a dolt. And usually you rank quite above that person, so it’s perfectly fine to do so. Not to mention fun.

So there you are, victorious after a good, clean fight (not counting your SC gear, of course), and Dufus D. Schmutz saunters up and begins sitting on your honorable foes’ corpse. It’s times like these that you really need a “Disband Goombah From Our Realm” button. If someone gets five votes in the space of ten minutes, they’re removed from all realms and anyone can not only kill them, but then gets not just xp or bounty points, but their entire corpse as a trophy, with which they can decorate their new home, drap from a keep flagpole, or just stuff with straw and create a rude puppet show with.

Never mind the muppets. Here comes the Goompets!

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