Did you know there’s a new island to the East? And that statues aren’t locked anymore?
I didn’t.
I sign in tonite to harass Arlaine, only to find someone left the statue in Nanto unlocked! Mwuah-ha-ha-ha!
Arlaine tells you, “Hey hey! Where should I meet you?”
You tell Arlaine, “Wow! Meet me in the statue dungeon! This is great! It’s unlocked!”
Arlaine tells you, “The stat…aren’t you level one?”
You tell Arlaine, “Yeah, wh….AIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!! THEY’RE SPITTING ACID! GAIIIEEEE! MAKE IT STOP!”
Arlaine tells you, “So we should just meet at the lifestone then, eh?
You know, sometime I’d like a little RESPECT. I know how to play this game! I know when to dodge out of a dungeon, how to perch, how to snag monsters on corners, how to, um…
Death says, “Die in really interesting and unique ways?”
Yeah, die in really…shaddup! My point is, see, I know a LOT. Just because I go into a dungeon full of insane monsters with insane spawn rates and I’m only level one does NOT mean I’m going to die!
Arlaine tells you, “So…meet at the lifestone, right?”
You tell Arlaine, “Um…yeah. But I CHOSE to go there!”
I don’t really know what happened down there. One minute I was in pleasant warm portal space, the next minute, someone was vomiting acid in my face. I decided what I really needed to do was to go back down there – and THIS time, I’d go SLOWLY, making sure I CAREFULLY explored the entrance…
Death snickers.
So I get in, and sure enough, there’s a monster coming. But what’s this? It’s just a drudge! A tiny little drudge! And we all know there’s no reason to fear them… One drudge beat-down, coming up!
The rest, as they say in my country, is history. After a few attempts to wear my buttocks as a slipper, the Drudge Hulk contented himself with chasing the other statues around the dungeon and playing “Kwiptag,” which apparently consists of slapping another critter as hard as they can with my corpse. If there’s any splattering, then they’re it, and the gruesome process is repeated.
Needless to say, I’ve stopped trying to retrieve my corpses…
Coincidence? You decide…
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