First off, if you use them, you’re a cheater poo-poo head. Second, if you’ve used them and then decide to ‘share’ them with the rest of us so ‘they will be stopped for the fairness of all,’ you suck ass you arrogant cheater slut. If you’ve been sitting on these things whilst you leveled your ass off and now that it looks like they’re being fixed you decide to share them with us mere mortals so we can partake of them for the whole week they’ll be around, I hope the fleas of a thousand camels infest your genitals. You arrogant, self-righteous pricks. And then to have the nerve to bitch about how you’re ‘bringing these to the open so they can be fixed because you’re sick of cheating ruining the game’ – you ass face! Grrrr…is it noticeable that these hypocritical sphincter-babies piss me off? Look, I don’t care if you cheat. People who don’t cheat kick my ass, too, and most of the cheats require you to have some level under your belts that I still can’t attain after playing for more than a year. BUT – don’t act all high and mighty now that your little secret is out.

When I first heard that there were some perma-buffs and all that other horsecrap, I thought “Wow, what a load of horsecrap!”. But I’m more imaginative than your average shmoo…

Subject: permabufs?
Author: supah_bad_guy   Date Added: 11:35am (PST)
can som1 hepl me wit thos bufs?? i know peopel know how to do them. thats cheating an shit. thats not fair you fags, you hav 2 share wat u kno to make if fair.


Be still my beating heart…behold! Someone needs my help! I must be off! Now, to any normal person, you may be tempted to make fun of the posters obvious idiocy (known in politcally correct circles as “Anti-Dipshitedness Impaired”™). However, being the kind and compassionate soul I am, I see this person needs love. He needs help. He needs to die many, many times.

So I track down this Bad Guy. Surprise surprise, he’s young. Level 10. Heh. He offers me a mote for my trouble. What do I need with a mote? Well, nothing, but I can’t offer to do this for free or he’d be suspicious (gee, go figure).

Now, if any of you have been through crisis training, you’ll remember the ABC’s of an emergency situation:

A – Assess the situation. I’m meeting someone new. I have to assess the situation.

Killah_bad_guy says, “r u the guy that wrote to me?”
You say, “Ah-ha! Have at you, foul fiend!”
You gore Killah_bad_guy for 23 points!
You smite Killah_bad_guy mightily!
Killah_bad_guy tells you, “wtf man? i thouht you r gona help me?”
You tell Killah_bad_guy, “You pk’d me once!”
Killah_bad_guy tells you, “i nevr saw u b4 in my life!!!!1”
You tell Killah_bad_guy, “You killed one of my vassals!”
Killah_bad_guy tells you, “wtf r u talking about?”
You tell Killah_bad_guy, “I’m sorry, I have a cold.”
You tell Killah_bad_guy, “Come on back. I’m supposed to tell you about the perma-buffs, right?”
Kwip waits patiently.
Killah_bad_guy says, “u cool now?”
You say, “AAAAAaaahhh!!! A PK!”
You gore Killah_bad_guy for 31 points of damage!
Killah_bad_guy says, “fukin stop it, asshole!”
You say, “Oh, jeez, sorry. I’m a bit jumpy. I got pk’d a bit ago, and I’m still sore about it.”

Okay, so I lie and I’m going to hell. But if my little ‘escapade’ with my 6th-grade Sunday School teacher and the manure spreader hadn’t already condemned me there, I’m never going…where was I? Oh, yes – perma-buffs. Heh.

You say, “So, you want to learn the perma-buffs.”
Killah_bad_guy says, “hell yea. wat do i need to do?”
You say, “Okay, first you have to complete the ‘quest’ they have in place.”
Killah_bad_guy says, “theres a quest for this?”
You say, “Well, sort of. See, you have to kill this monster by yourself. I can buff you, but you have to take down the monster by yourself.”
Killah_bad_guy says, “ok, wat monster?”
You say, “Now see, that depends on which permabuff you want. The simple ones require bunnies. But the really good ones…”
Killah_bad_guy says, “no i wnat the best one”
Kwip grins.

What have we determined so far? Well, one, that Killah is lazy. Two, that Killah is greedy. And three, that Killah is very, very stupid…now we can move on to the next step in handling a crisis situation:

B – Beat the shit out of your victim (I’m pretty sure this is how they went – First Aid class was a while ago, but I take good notes).

You say, “Okay – are you familiar with all the creatures in Dereth?”
Killah_bad_guy says, “no i jus startd a bit ago”
You say, “I see. Well, the first thing we need to do is get you to where you can find the monster you’ll need. Follow me.”

Now, someone out for simple laughs would have just let this poor bastard die repeatedly enroute to our destination. Not so me! For I seek the higher enlightenment, that of amusement for myself AND my loyal readers! In other words, I kept his dumb ass alive during the run. Which wasn’t easy, either! We all know I suck, right? Well, how badly do you suck when KWIP is showing you how to stay alive and buffing you? Sheesh… so after about an hour of running around, I get dumbass to our destination. No, the running around to get there wasn’t really fun. It was really, really annoying. The only thing that kept me going was the thought of what I was gonna do to this guy. I mean, this guy knew nothing. Imagine being on a show like Survivor with your 87-year old grandmother who’s completely senile and fascinated by her navel. Now imagine your ‘task’ is to get your grandmother to assist you building a 27-story hotel complete with presidential suites out of some coconuts and bubble gum. The professor might’ve been able to do that shit, but I was going insane. Finally, we arrive at our destination…Arwic.

You say, “Hoo-kay, my little monkey boy! Are you ready to die like the dog humper you are?”
Killah_bad_guy says, “huh?”
You say, “Exactly!”
You say, “Now, first thing, you have to use the appropriate weapon. Get out your practice axe.”
Killah_bad_guy says, “i dont have that”
You say, “You’re kidding, right?”
Killah_bad_guy says, “no”
Killah_bad_guy says, “no”
You say, “Hrmmm…well, your verbal prowess is too much for me. I cannot stand up to that logic.”
Killah_bad_guy says, “what?”
You say, “Shudup shudup shudup: listen, what weapon do you have?”
Killah_bad_guy says, “this”

At this point, he actually handed me his weapon. It was a crappy axe, true, but he gave it to me. The urge to just choke the living shit out of him right there was so overwhelming I almost gave in; but I am made of stronger stuff, I tell you! Making as if this is all part of the buff, I cast a few spells on it. You might have heard of them: Blood Loather III, Leaden Weapon III, and just for fun, Hide Value III (and Kampahn tried to tell me I’d never need that spell – who’s laughing now, wench? Mwuh-ha-ha!). Then I hand the axe back with instructions.

You say, “Okay, quick – run to the tailor over there and buy as many pairs of pants as you can!”

I’ll say this for the little bugger. He listened well. Off he darted on his fashion pursuit.

Killah_bad_guy tells you, “I can only get 20 – they’re pretty heavy, too – is that enough?”
You tell Killah_bad_guy, “Fine, fine, don’t bother me with details. Now come over to that portal I showed you, the Mt. Pass one.”
Kwip waits patiently.
Killah_bad_guy says, “ok now what”
You say, “Okay, now we have to head up to the mountain pass. I’ll go first to ensure there’s no danger.”

I get up there, and there’s only a few crude monoguas. They’ll never do; they have no sense of humor. I kill them so they don’t pick on my little crumpet. I look around, and find what I’m looking for: a great mattie. Now, timing is everything…

You tell Killah_bad_guy, “Ok, coast is clear, c’mon through!”
Killah_bad_guy tells you, “ok coming”
You stab Great Mattekar for 15 points of damage!
Your missle attack hits the environment.
You evade Great Mattekar!
You evade Great Mattekar!
Great Mattekar smites Killah_bad_guy so hard the lifestone flinches!
Killah_bad_guy says, “wtf man, i thougt you said it was clear?!?!111”
You tell Killah_bad_guy, “Dammit, someone led it right to me. Sorry about that – can you make it back okay?”

Now in my generousity, I had showed dingleberry where the Arwic lifestone was. So I wasn’t worried about him getting too lost. Granted, I never took all the possibilities into consideration…

Killah_bad_guy tells you, “helpp pks pks”
You tell Killah_bad_guy, “Uh-oh – quick, tell them you’re with me!”
A minute later…
Warlokk tells you, “Hey Kwip, how goes it. Listen, you know some little turd named Killah_bad_guy or something?”
You tell Warlokk, “Howdy. Killah? Nope, never heard of him.”
Warlokk tells you, “Ok, thanks. Have a good one!”
You tell Warlokk, “You too!”

Killah_bad_guy tells you, “dammit i jsut died agin. fukin pks.”
You tell Killah_bad_guy, “Oh, man, bum deal. You coming back up here?”
Killah_bad_guy tells you, “yea, but i don’t hav any armor.”
You tell Killah_bad_guy, “Ah, don’t sweat it. Just get up here.”

A few more minutes pass…

You say, “Well, glad you made it.”
Killah_bad_guy says, “yea thos stupid pks chased me agin”
Killah_bad_guy says, “and what was that thing that killed me?”
You say, “Ah, that was a Mattekar. Deadly monsters, but terrible dancers.”
Killah_bad_guy says, “haha”
You say, “Okay, well, we’re almost finished. You ready for the big challange?”
Killah_bad_guy says, “hell yah”
You say, “Alrighty then. This is what you have to do: I’m going to take you up to a monster.”
You say, “You have to run up to him as fast as you can and hand him your weapon.”
Killah_bad_guy says, “no way ti’ll kill me!”

Oh, sure. NOWBraniac wants to show some idea of self-preservation. We can’t have any of that…

C – I don’t remember what C stood for in crisis management, but let’s say it stands for “Convince the dipshit to make a fool of himself!”

You say, “Dude, this is the BUG – get it?”
You say, “Why do think no one else has found out about it? How many people try this?”
You say, “But hey, if you don’t want to do everything for the permabuff, that’s cool. I’ll find someone that will.”
Killah_bad_guy says, “no no, sory. it just sounds like bs”
You say, “Yeah, it does, doesn’t it?”
You grin.
Killah_bad_guy says, “ok, wheres the monster? and what kind is it?”
You say, “Follow me.”
You say, “Ah, there it is.
Killah_bad_guy says, “That drudge?”
You say, “Yup, that’s him. Just hand him your weapon; when he hands it back, you’re perma-buffed!”
Killah_bad_guy says, “stalker, i neveer saw one of those drudges before”
You say, “Hey, it’s a drudge, right? You aren’t scared of a drudge, are you?”
Killah_bad_guy says, “ha, no way i kiled like 10 of thos things in a row once”
You say, “Well, there you go then! Listen, I’ve got to boogy – how about that mote now?”
Killah_bad_guy says, “i dont have one now but ill give u 1 as soon as i get one”
You say, “Oh, you lied to me! The agony! I feel so betrayed!”
Killah_bad_guy says, “look man, dont be a dick about it. i’ll get you one.”
Kwip weeps.
You say, “What is this world coming to? No, go on your way, using the secret I have so freely given.”
Killah_bad_guy says, “whatever”

That’s it, really. I went on my way from that point and don’t know what happened…

Killah_bad_guy tells you, “hey man, it atatacked me and one-shotted me before i could even get close ot it!”
You tell Killah_bad_guy, “You’re not doing it right. You have to get close right away.”
Killah_bad_guy tells you, “it killed me again!”
You tell Killah_bad_guy, “Oh, make sure you approach it in peace mode…”
Killah_bad_guy tells you, “that didn’t work either. maybe if i try the other one, the raver one”
Killah_bad_guy tells you, “damn, lost my axe”
Killah_bad_guy tells you, “can you help me get my body back?”
Killah_bad_guy tells you, “you still on”
Killah_bad_guy tells you, “was i supposed to do something with all those pants?”
Killah_bad_guy tells you, “hey”
Killah_bad_guy tells you, “help?”
Killah_bad_guy tells you, “i got killed agin”
Killah_bad_guy tells you, “u lied to me, didn’t u”
You have squelched Killah_bad_guy.

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