Of Course I Can Solo That…

I just don’t believe in holding myself back for the rest of you cowards, is all.

Just because you want to whine and moan about, “Oh, it might bring friends if we attack it” or “Waaaah, it has an AoE attack” or even “That is a DRAGON you’re talking about soloing!” Don’t try and fence me in with YOUR wimpy little selves. For I am the great and powerful Theurgist! I’m a siege machine!

Why are you laughing?

Yeah, I’m pretty lousy at deciding what I should be messing with. The way I figure it, there are 50 levels. At level 50, you should be able to take on anything. Mathematically, this breaks down to 100% butt-kicking ability. Therefore, at level 39, I have a 78% butt-kicking ability. So what I thought that meant was that 78% of the critters in this game I can crush by myself. Of course, what it actually means is that .078% of the critters I can handle. With a party. Of all 50s.

I suppose this is why I’d never be a great general. For all I know, I was Custer in a previous life or something. “Indians? We can take a few Indians! We’ve got guns!”

It’s not that I don’t think about the fights I pick. I tend just not to think about them very clearly. I think the problem is the whole color scheme. I just can’t get used to the idea of orange = danger. Or purple, for that matter. But orange? I guess it should be some sort of logical chain. Orange = OJ = OJ Simpson = CRAZED KILLER WHO WILL KILL YOU – CRAZY-STYLE! But the problem is that orange makes me think of orange creamsicles. And let me tell you something: if my freezer were a dungeon, I could solo that whole damn thing, even if it were packed with oranges. See what I’m saying?

Purple’s not much better. That makes me think of Skittles. Mmmmmm. Why not just make things completely above my level brown so I can think of Chocolate Fudge Brownie while you’re at it? Then you can all wonder why you keep getting spammed about my deaths and why I never make another bubble of experience ever. Granted, that’s about true now, anyway…

It’s not like I haven’t had people trying to tell me different. Everyone in Blackspire’s tried to coach me about 50 billion times to leave the pygmies alone until I get older. But I can’t help it. They’re just not intimidating. Have you seen how short these guys are? I might as well be scared of Anson. And besides, it’s not like I ever let size intimidate me…

I mean, sure, it’s bigger than most keeps. But did I mention I’m a siege wizard? I’m built to take down WALLS, man! What’s a ten-story giant, if nothing more than a moving wall?

Oh. Right. A kicking wall. Owwwwww….