Love Thy Neighbor. With A Big Stick.

Posted August 8th, 2003 under DAoC.

So there’s these occupiers. And they’re, you know, occupying the city. Avalon City, to be specific. The story goes that these guys moved in and killed the entire population or something. Or maybe they found it deserted. I don’t know, really. The fact is, they are there now, and nobody else is.

Well, nobody except about a billion Albions.

I think you all know about my previous experience beating on the Darc… er.. Drak… Drac… sleestaks that live there. Yeah, at the time, I felt kind of guilty about it. I mean, there they were, trying to settle in this new town, and we come charging in, stabbing them in the face.

However, that was before I learnt that the sleestaks are terminally stupid and deserve to die.

Yes, it’s true. The sleestaks are just inherently stupid. I’m afraid it is our Gord-given right to drive them beneath our heels. I know, I know – you’re surprised to hear me talking like that. But let’s just take a moment to look at the facts, shall we?

I’m not any sort of siege expert. In fact, the only way I’ve ever managed to survive a siege – either defending or attacking – was to pretty much not be there. And even then, it’s a risky thing. The other day I was shopping in the middle of Camelot when a boulder launched from a catapult in the frontier smashed me in the face and killed me.

So yeah, I’m not exactly the best guy to ask about these things. However, I’m going to really go out on a limb here and propose the following idea: if we, as a species, ever take over an entire city, MOST of us will react when a party of interlopers enters our city. Especially if they begin stabbing some of our neighbors in the face.

It’s not like I’m Mr. Rogers or anything. I don’t have a clue who lives next door to our guild house, despite having run through the place about twenty times already (not my fault they leave the door unlocked!). But I like to think that if I was standing out in front of my house, and some trolls charged out of the woods and began stabbing one of my neighbors in the throat, I might actually do something. It might only be run out and die, but you can bet I’ll be screaming such bloody murder everyone in the entire landblock will be sticking their head out to see what’s going on.

And look, we might have our own Yellow Rat Bastard (whom we all know and love as Yates), but let’s face facts: even he would get involved if he saw an Albion getting stomped by an invader. It doesn’t have anything to do with being noble or brave – it’s a simple matter of, “When they’re done killing that guy…who’s next?”

Look, we’re not being stealthy or anything. It’s not like we have a scout hiding in the bushes sniping or an infiltrator back-stabbing people. We don’t even TRY and be subtle about it. We run around, a huge crowd of screaming maniacs, stabbing and thwaping pretty much at random. And yet… the sleestaks just sit there watching us. Granted, it’s been a few years since they had to chase Marshall, Will and Holly, so maybe the whole concept of chasing after the foolish warm-bloods is a bit confusing to them, but you’d think after we pounded the crap out of the tenth one of them or so they’d get the picture.

Maybe I’m reading it all wrong. Maybe it’s not that they don’t know what’s going on, maybe it’s just that they secretly hate each other. Or hey, maybe it’s not even that secret – do YOU speak whatever kooky language that is of theirs? Maybe they’re busy telling each other to bugger off and die or other such colorful insults. Maybe they delight in seeing their neighbor’s get their scaly butts kicked.

Come to think of it, HOW many of our relics do we have right now? None? Yeah, I’m not too sure we have room to criticize the sleestaks after all. Sure, they ignore their fellows that are screaming bloody murder for help.

But… ah… I hate to admit it… But I do have a tendency to turn off Alliance chat. It does get pretty annoying, all that whining about our keeps getting sieged. And hey, I’ve been known to giggle a little when I see the death spam of Yates. So…yeah, I guess these guys aren’t all that bad.

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