Who’s Laughing Now, Bucko?

Ohhhhhhhh, nooooooooooo – don’t listen to ME!

How long have I been telling you all? How many times did I try and raise an army to protect our lands, only to lose the members to quests, portal storms, or really interesting-looking mountains that looked like someone’s name? Oh, no, we shouldn’t worry about the COWS, Kwip! They’ll never be a threat to us!

WHO’S LAUGHING NOW, BUDDY?

If you answered “Kwip,” then you’re right. Hey man, I warned you guys, time and time again! “The cows here now are just their scouts!” I said. “They’re looking for weak spots!” I told you. “They have maps painted on them so they don’t get lost!” I explained.

But did you listen? OF COURSE NOT!

And now we’re all going to pay the terrible, terrible price. You think THESE guys are bad? They’re just the shock troops, here to lull us into a false sense of security! But soon, Cowmandos will be parachuting in all over Dereth. Yeah, try telling them you’re a vegan, hippy, while they’re busy eating your face off.

Oh, sure, it all sounds like fun and games. Nobody sees the true horror here. You all run around, thinking how tasty this infected beef is. But soon, friends – soon we’ll be overrun. We’ll be herded into pens by the forces of the Cow-lective. That’s right folks, you heard it here first. What they have planned for us is nothing short of total subjugation! And I’m not talking about the fun kind with fuzzy handcuffs, either!

Pretty soon we’ll be tilling in their fields, planting the most luscious grass for them, reduced to nothing more than groundskeepers. That’s if we’re lucky enough to be dominated by the non-man-eaters. Otherwise…it’s into the gravy train for you, buddy. And that train rolls one way – to the cud factory!

RISE UP NOW AND OVERTHROW OUR OPPRESSIVE MASTERS!

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