I THINK I Remember This Quest…

The problem is, I bragged to Ben-li Sung recently that I knew all about the Tikola’s Dagger quest.

Then I realized it had been something like a year since I last did it. For all I know now, you open the first door and the Olthoi Queen comes out and rapes your eye sockets (recently voted top fear amongst Derethian adventurers!). So I had to be sure I could do it again.

Big mistake. Giant. HUGE mistake.

Now of course, the previous times I had done it, I always had someone with me that had some ungodly lockpick skill. So the first door in the place didn’t even slow us down. But now, I found that on my own I had to do the other parts of the quest – the parts, sadly enough, that involved talking to the Insane Short-Haired Swamp Women (ISHSW, for short). The first one was obviously a pothead, as she immediately sent me out for papers. The next one… well, the next one had her own little ‘perks’ that immediately endeared me to her…

And let me tell you something: I don’t care what those guides at CoD say, these wood golems drop a heart like once every BILLION deaths! So if you try and do this, be prepared for a LONG wait. And bring a lot of arrows. Fire, preferably. Greater Fire if you’re looking for the whole “Shock and Awe” effect.

As you read above, I got sick of the whole waiting for a heart thing and grabbed the next best thing. Hey man, I don’t know where she gets off demanding a HEART. What, like it can’t be carved out of a branch or something? C’mon, have you seen that key? We’re not talking anything complicated here! We could just as easily run this thing down to True Value Hardware and have fifty copies of it knocked out!

So finally, after reason had failed, I had to break IT out… Pepe, the Tusker Head Sock Puppet! Yeah. When reason fails, there’s only one thing you can count on…


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