Talk About Dead-End Jobs…

I am a FIRM believer in Unions. I think Unions helped make life great for everyone. Nowadays they’ve got they’re share of fatcat, worthless, corrupt and idiotic goombahs, too, but hey – if our government can have them, why can’t everyone? It’s the ultimate in Equal Opportunity! Stupidity in every home!

Now. Having said that…where the hell was the Undead Union when they were negotiating labor contracts?

Look, I’m all for forced labor when you’re a powerful wizard like moi. After all, I’m level TEN with my mighty Necromancer! But man, if you thought being something like a scout or paladin sucked, imagine the life – well, unlife – of these poor goombahs! You think that getting beat almost to death in order to finish that quest is a pain? Imagine having to do the same thing for someone who has no risk of getting hurt! And, to make matters worse, the whole time you’re fighting, this guys’ standing next to you screaming out orders! It’d be like playing Street Fighter II with your little brother watching!

Okay, Team Leaders, I understand that you guys have a terribly, terribly difficult job. I got it. But do you think you could have made a little bit of a stink (no pun intended) about the way you’re being treated? I mean, where the heck was the Undead Team Leader when they introduced the concept of Necromancers?

“Quick, Magroth’s gone to the loo! Let’s assign the undead as servants to Necromancers!”
“Hey, yeah, great idea! Oh – and better yet, make it so the Necromancer CANNOT be attacked when he has an undead guy around!”
“I like the cut of your jib, mister! Keep those ideas coming!”
“Wait wait wait – what if the undead not only doesn’t get any xp, but they can’t pick up any LOOT, either?”
“My god, I’m getting goose pimples!”

Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing I like more than ordering my little peon into a horde of monsters and watching them kick the crap outta him for ten minutes or so before deciding to heal him. I find it to be very therapeutic. And then making him do the Happy Dance before I give him any buffs? Sheer joy.

But I have to admit – I feel a tiny bit guilty every time I send him marching off to his death. Er…re-death. I know, if I felt so guilty I shouldn’t be giggling every time I do it, but c’mon – you’ve got to admit it’s kinda funny the way they sigh and roll their eyes every time you send them charging to their doom. It’s like having your very own Marvin the Neurotic robot, ya know? Of course, with my luck, one of them’s going to read this and next time I try and send my little peon into battle, he’s going to get some smart idea of his own…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *