How To Tell If You’re In Trouble

I want Realm Points.

For those of you not familiar with the concept, Realm Points (RPs) are the reward for killing someone of the opposing realm. When you kill someone of the opposing realm, providing they haven’t been killed lately, you get a number of realm points based on the other person’s total of realm points. Or something. I dunno. You can then use those RPs to buy Realm Abilities. Delicious Realm Abilities! Yum!

All I know is that YRB (aka Yellow Rat Bastard, aka Yates Bast) is like the 2nd ranked Wizzie on Perc. He so much as breaks wind and he gets like a billion RPs. So of course I want to group with him. The problem with that is two-fold: 1) he’s 50th lvl to my 35th, so while he thinks nothing of charging through those little goblin bastiches, they will all immediately turn and drop-kick me. And 2) he’s a Bastard.

Oh, it seems like these are things that could be easily overlooked. But you have to remember who you’re dealing with here – I’m not someone who partakes in such silly maneuvers like “going around” and “sprinting”. My usual reaction to a mob is to stare at it as I run past and wonder if it will kill me.

YRB, being said bastard, will charge blindly by things. Case in point: we’re running around the frontiers when he decides he wants to run over to his guild’s keep. I tag along, because what the heck else am I going to do out there? But sure enough, he charges straight through a large group of trees that are all purple to me.

Did you ever see Poltergeist? Remember that part where the tree busted in the window and ate the kid? Yeah, that’s pretty much what happened. Except MY parents didn’t run in to rescue me. Hrmph. It wouldn’t be so bad, but I’m running, screaming bloody murder, getting the crap kicked out of me and Yates replies with, “Oh.”

Now we all know he is a bastard. So when he does something completely evil – for example, leading me into a gang of about a dozen purple trees – it is to be expected. That’s if he does it on PURPOSE. But he does this stuff without thinking about it! It’s like I don’t even register to him! Oooooh, I hate that. And then he just assumes whatever HE can run blindly through, I should be able to do, too!

A prime example of this: one night, I’m tagging along, trying my best to help out earning RPs defend the realm, when we get word reaches us that one of the keeps is under attack by a large Mid force. So we decide we’re going to go help them. There’s YRB in all his 50th lvl glory, four of his Armsmen friends lvl 49-50, and me. In my lvl 35 fecklessness.

I can make the party run fast. Wheeeee!

Yup, that’s about the best I can do.  But that’s at least something, so I’m glad to chug along and try and help out. But now we’re charging into a keep that’s surrounded by a Mid army.

For anyone that missed that, there’s a MID ARMY. SURROUNDING THE KEEP WE ARE RUNNING TO. Everyone got that? Any questions? We’re not running towards some secret door, we’re not going to sneak around and scout it out. WE’RE GOING TO RUN INTO THE MIDDLE OF A MID ARMY. The M-I-D-D-L-E of the A-R-M-Y. Hello?

Apparently, I’m the only one that doesn’t like this idea. They’re all discussing what side of the keep to approach from. I’m like, “Uh….how about from another keep. Like ONE WITHOUT AN ARMY SURROUNDING IT!”

But nobody listens to me. So we come charging up the hill, and sure enough, there’s a bazillion Mids playing grab-ass outside the gates. Yates runs up, tags the gatekeeper, gets hit with maybe one or two spells, an arrow or three and a couple pot shots. And he’s in. Ditto everyone else in the party.

And then it’s MY turn. I run TOWARDS the gate, but then I start lagging so bad, instead of running to the gate, I try and run up the back of a troll. He promptly slaps my ass and steps on my throat.

Great mission. This was a brilliant plan.

“Well, Kwip, if you’re so crabby about it, why do you keep following YRB around?”

Well. The RPs, of course. I mean, even dying, I’m getting bunches of points along the way… Soon, Mr. Siege Bolt, soon you shall be MINE!

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