Defending the Land!

So I’ve been trying to level up.

Yeah, that’s right, I’ve hit TWENTY-ONE and there’s NO signs of slowing, bucko! Why, in another week or two, I’ll probably bust RIGHT through the level cap!

But anyway, that’s not what I’m here to brag about. No, today’s bragging will cover defending Dereth! Yes, that’s right me hearties, you can all start thanking ME that you still have your precious homes to come back to!

I was be-bopping around, trying to remember what dungeon it was that had the awesome perch for me (I think it was the Abandoned Warehouse in Rithwic – I can clear that place out and only die like five times! I’m awesome!). I tried asking people in the town center, but they got all defensive:

You say, “Hey, you goombahs. Stop that petty dumb stuff you’re doing and tell me where the good dungeon is around here or I’ll bust you in the chops!”
Arnualt says, “WTF? Who are you talking to?”
You say, “This must be the slow class. Look, brainiac, work with me here: I need directions to that one good dungeon near here.”

None of them answered me! Can you believe that? Sheesh. No wonder we have a smaller population than Everquest: everyone is SO rude!

But anyway, while I’m sitting there trying to think of a threat that would work against them (too bad I wasn’t on DT, or I’d have the PERFECT threat: “Either tell me what I want to know or I’ll catch every one of your fireballs!”), someone announces that Sawato is under attack by Gaerlan’s elementals! Well, I’ve certainly never been one to shirk my duties (unless it’s the litter box duty)! I charge to defend the city!

Of course, it probably would have helped if I looked at a map first. For some reason, I had it in my mind that Sawato was one of the desert towns. Honestly, people need to start naming their towns better. Never mind this “Rithwic” business – it should be named like “That Town That Straddles The One River And Has That Bridge In It But Don’t Get It Confused With Holtburg Because That Bridge Is Broken”. Hrm. On second though, we couldn’t call Holtburg Holtburg, it’d have to be like “That Town On The Corner Of Three Rivers, Or Maybe It’s Two Rivers That Come Together, Anyway, You Get My Meaning, There’s Like Three Rivers There And This Town’s On The One Corner”…

Death says, “Ahem.”

Oh, right. Anyway, I set off, trusting in my keen sense of direction and portal locations.

Which is why, about ten minutes later, I’m standing in Al-Arqas, trying to figure out who the hell replaced Sawato with Al-Arqas. Sigh.

Well, at least now I’m due West of Sawato. Never mind mucking about with these portals! My run is over 100! A quick run and I’ll be there.

Death says, “Hi there!”
Death says, “Whoops, me again!”
Death says, “Tired yet?”

Hrmph. The one time I figure out how to get past those stupid skeletons, I get stuck trying to find a way up this damn mountain range someone has seen fit to place in my path. Gah! The very land conspires against me! It was obvious that Gaerlan had planned all this – why else chose a city that was blocked from my assault by mountains?

Of course, in the process of doing this, I learned a really, really interesting fact: if you are at the bottom of a mountain, trying to find a way up, it is entirely possible that a Monogua on top of the mountain will notice you and attempt to come down and meet you. By jumping.

And landing on your head.

Which will kill you.

Honestly, like I don’t have enough problems in my life, now I’ve got to watch out for airborne Monoguas? What is this, the crack Monogua commando squad? Are they set up on mountain tops all across Dereth, waiting for someone to step underneath them so they can play trampoline with their heads? Yeah, sure, tell me it’s a one in a million chance – but I’ll tell you, that Monogua had the image of about five people squished flat stamped onto his side. Well, make that six, now.

Anyway, once again I’m off on my little navigating run. This time, by some miracle of science, I’ve managed to get a portal to Samsur. I decide that this portal business is too dangerous to trust to mortal men like me, and set off on the road in what I think is the correct direction.

About an hour later, I straggle into Yanshi. I’m halfway there.

The run from Yanshi to Sawato only takes me 30 minutes – it seems that the elementals have been keeping Death busy, so I managed to actually sneak by the pack of reedsharks that had been tormenting me outside of Yanshi (yeah, you can try and tell me that it was a different pack, but I’m telling you I recognized the blood they had smeared on their pointy little beaks, mmkay?).

I come hustling into town, and lo and behold – the Elementals were gone. Every last one of them! Just like that! They must’ve heard I was coming and beat feet right out of there!

Phew. It was tough work – I know a lot of you were worried that you wouldn’t be able to get into that town ever again! But now you can rest assured, I have made my presence known (“Banderling Captain smites Kwip so hard the Lifestone flinches” – that message got broadcast at the Sawato lifestone about a billion times, so it should be pretty clear where I am). Those nasty elementals won’t even THINK of attacking that town again!

Granted, now there’s some people telling me that Yanshi needs defending. Hrmph – folks, look, I just came from there! Hello? I was SEEN in that town! Do you honestly think anyone’d have the guts to attack a town that I’m like a half hour (er…ok, maybe an hour, depends on traffic) away from? No way. Boo-yah, I gots Gaerlan all in check!

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