Wait, WHAT Hormones Are You Guys Using?

It is a well-known fact that I love scientists. Especially those crazy ones that come up with far-flung ideas and really blaze trails. But recently, a new study has me a bit nervous:

=====================From Reuters==========
Researchers Near Human Trials of Multiple Sclerosis  Drug

SYDNEY (Reuters) Mar 12 – A hormone that prevents a  pregnant woman’s immune system from attacking the  foetus may hold the key to halting autoimmune diseases  such as multiple sclerosis, Australian researchers  said on Tuesday.

The researchers said they hoped to begin phase I  clinical trials of a drug based on the hormone in  about a year.

An offshoot of Sydney’s University of New South Wales  and biotech firm CBio Ltd on Tuesday signed a deal to  produce enough Early Pregnancy Factor (EPF)–a  modified version of the naturally occuring protein–to  begin the toxicity tests.

CBio managing director Wolf Hanisch told Reuters  commercial production of EPF, if the trials are  satisfactory, would be 5 to 7 years down the road.

“This agreement brings CBio Ltd a step closer to  commercialising a drug that can solve one of the  biggest challenges in medical research–finding a  successful treatment for the autoimmune diseases which  afflict millions of sufferers around the world,” he  said.

Hanisch stressed that EPF was not a cure. It halts the  effects of autoimmunity rather than by identifying and  countering its source.

So far, it has shown good results in animal models of  multiple sclerosis, but the researchers have not  investigated it as a therapy for other diseases.

The university’s commercial offshoot, ACYTE Biotech  Pty Ltd, will now develop a production line to  manufacture large quantities of EPF, said ACYTE  executive director Peter Gray.

Um…look, I think it’s fantastic that you guys have come up with this. Really.

But…PREGNANT hormones? Are you insane?

I’ve known a lot of pregnant women in my time. And they were ALL – every ONE of them – INSANE.

Sometimes it would manifest itself as rather harmless desires for odd foods. Other times, it would rear it’s head as mild fatigue. But then there were those times when their hormones would trigger some bio-chemical-physiological shift that would make them go on a tirade that would put Mr. Hyde to shame! After downing about five pints of Ben & Jerry’s, they’d hijack buses and go on twelve-state shopping rampages that would leave store clerks across the nation BADLY SHAKEN.

Here’s an army story for you – when I was stationed in Panama, a friend’s wife was badly pregnant. We’re talking serious condition here – she was about 5 feet tall, with heels on, and her belly was arriving in the room a full three hours before she would get there. She was VERY pregnant. While she was walking downtown in Panama city, some dipshit local hoodlum tried to steal her purse. SHE BROKE HIS ARM IN TWO PLACES. And she wasn’t even trying! Can you imagine what she’d do to someone that didn’t clean up his dishes after dinner? Or left his dirty clothes on the floor? Or – God forbid – ate the last of the Ben & Jerry’s?

Folks, I’m not making this stuff up – pregnant women are God’s punishment on us men for making them pregnant. They feel constantly bloated, achy, self-conscious, and pretty much miserable. AND THEY ALL KNOW IT’S OUR FAULT. Pregnant women are time-bombs, waiting for the opportunity to explode into devastating action that will leave us broken and bloody, and our freezers completely devoid of any sweets.

Sigh. Okay, okay, I’m over-reacting. This is a great thing, and a very promising announcement; Kwipette and I have been following the releases about this for some time now, and we’re eager to see the facts about it after it’s been through some clinical trials.

But researchers – if you’re looking at hormones, couldn’t you check the ones that make women…you know…randy? I mean, think about it – this medicine halts the debilitating effects of MS AND increases the “mood”? Holy jeebus! I couldn’t WAIT to get Kwipette signed up on that medicine! Never mind Love Potion Number 9; I want Beta-Seron Number 9! 😉

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