Gah! Get with it, Zone Devils!

THAT DOES IT!!!

Dammit, but I’m pissed! Who am I pissed at, you ask, oh mighty Kwip followers? None other than those I have previously supported: Microsoft!

Yes, it has come to pass that now the beanies at Microsoft must feel my wrath. See, I have no problem with the game going down: I understand that there are sometimes hardware glitches, software bugs, gremlins that have eaten after midnite, employees like Wrack…I have NOOOOOO problem understanding this! Sometimes, the game goes down. Does it occur often? No, not in the grand scheme of things. Does it bother me that much when it does? Not really, I understand these things happen. So what am I upset about, you ask?

WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO GO TO FAN SITES TO LEARN THAT THERE IS A PROBLEM?

Forgive the harsh language, but holy Buddha on a popsicle stick! What the hell is so hard about sending out emails every time there’s a problem with the zone, then sending more out when the site comes back up? Hell, you have no trouble spamming me with stupid shit about how the latest cool game can be played on the zone, if only I’d give you more money. WHAT THE HELL IS SO DIFFICULT ABOUT KEEPING A CUSTOMER INFORMED? You can even make it optional! People who don’t like any sort of mass-mailing can disable the ‘notify of zone trouble’ flag in their profile.

If that just proves WAY too difficult, then let’s keep it simple: A MESSAGE ON THE SITE SAYING WHY THE ZONE IS DOWN AND WHEN YOUR BEST GUESS IS FOR IT TO RETURN!

For Harry’s sake, I’m a patient bastard, but you people are too much. Why is this so difficult? I KNOW I’m not the first person to have ranted like this. Just put a little server pull on every page header for the zone, and have it pull in a text file with the zone status – something which Earl the Janitor can change. I don’t even care if it’s spelled correctly! Give me a message that reads “tHe z0|\|3 is phuked up now D00DZ cuz |3ILL G@T3Z spilled coffee down the server – it’ll be back in like 2 hurs”! I’ll be happy! I’ll see that message, realize, “Oh, sorry Kwip old chap, looks like you’re off to the drudge mines for this lunch break instead of having fun” and go about my business. I might say ‘Darn’ or ‘Gosh’ or even ‘Cock-smoking hermaphroditic Jezzadrudge!’ But I won’t be as angry as if I sit here for fifteen minutes trying to figure out why the hell the Zone keeps telling me I have the wrong password and then trying to perform a Vulcan mind-meld to the zone to figure out if the problem is on my end or your server!

Sigh…look, I love you people. I really, really do. I realize that you’re doing a terribly difficult job, and that no one seems to be happy with what you do. Everyone’s bitching at you, no one seems satisfied. But take a look at the little things you can do to make everyone’s life a little easier, ok? Push the logic button! That way your customers get to be happy, you get to be happy, and I get to go back to the important business of dying gorily to passing idiots wearing mosswart masks…