Death says, “Howdy!”
You groan.
Not again. I was doing so well lately. I actually had my vitae down to something not quite ridiculous. I think it was almost at 6% or something close. I actually cast some level II spells several times in a row! I was a powerhouse of killing!
So of course I got cocky.
“A Gigas? Man, I can toast that thing in two shots.”
Gigas smites you so hard, the lifestone chuckles!
“Hmmm…that sucked. More vitae! Well, there’s a Great Mattie. Let me see if he’s got any horns on him.”
Great Mattie bitch slaps you so hard the magnetic poles shift!
A few more tangles with critters, some interventions from a few PKs, and I’m back in familiar country. 28% country, to be specific. So it looks like I’ll be hunting a tad bit longer!
Well, that’s no big problem. I’ve hunted before, I’ll hunt again. I see some of the usual folks in this part of the woods; Mmenoch Blood is there, giving me some sweet buffs. Wheee!
But now there’s a new face. I know what you’re thinking: “Ah, another PK – run Kwip!” But no, this was not a PK.
It was worse.
“Eh?” you ask. “Worse than a PK’er? What could it possibly be?”
It was…gasp…a WHINER.
Yes, a snivelling, grovelling little turd that exists only by the kindness of others. The very thought of it starts my eye a-twitchin’. As if the random murders, monstrous beasts, and companionship of Death were not enough in this land, I have to put up with a Whiner.
“Kwip, that golem’s mine!”
“Hey, can someone buff me?”
“Argh! I’ve got more vitae now!”
“No, let me get that monster! I want it!”
“MINE!!!!”
Sigh. And the worse thing is that I couldn’t ID him. If there’s one thing I hate more than Whiners, it’s throwing myself at a Whiner and dying at their hands. Not only do you get more vitae, but then you have to listen to stuff like:
“Hey! What’d you do that for!”
“Kwip’s a PK!”
“I’m going to put you on my guild’s/fellows/lovers KOS+L list!”
“That’ll teach you to attack me!”
The last being the worst, of course. With as bad as I suck, my death was a pretty certain thing. I don’t mind dying, but I know for a fact that trying to kill a Whiner and failing miserably not only gives them more to whine about, but frustrates the hell out of you worse than a scorching case of hemorrhoids on a long run.
So, nothing left to do but put up with the whining, eh?
Heh.
Yeah, I didn’t buy that either.
First, I started off subtley.
You say, “Oh, man, sorry about that, Whiner. I didn’t realize you were laying down there when I brought those 3 Ash Gromnies hot on my ass straight towards you.”
(Ed. note: yup, forgot this guy’s name, too)
You say, “No, sheesh, sorry, I don’t have any onyx left either. Eh? Oh, I know it LOOKED like onyx I just picked up. But that was just coal dust. It’s an alchemy thing.”
Then I got a bit more obvious.
You say, “Okay, let me buff you. Whoops! Damn, I didn’t mean to cast Lead Feet II on you! Stupid buttons! Oh no, look out – more Ash’s coming! Quick, run!”
You say, “Sure, that’s a great perch. They can’t possibly reach you from there.”
You say, “Whoops! Well, who knew Shadows could cast spells? That’s news to me…”
Then I’m afraid the excitement got the best of me.
You say, “Whoops! Damn! Stupid auto-attack! Oh no! Now I’m lagging!”
You say, “Uh-oh, the lag is making me equip my greater elemental arrows and attack you! Ain’t lag a bitch?”
Heh. Stupid people. Aren’t they fun to play with?
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