Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy patch day is tomorrow patch day is tomorrow whoopeee!!!!
So I’m a bit excited, needless to say. And you know how us kids are so hard to control when we get all excited…
Death tells you, “No, no, no – get away from that Great Mattekar! I’ve got other people to attend to! There’s a raid going on in Shoushi that’s got me backed up for days! Let me alone so I can deal with it!”
You tell Death, “Screw that noise, bone boy! I’m completely 0\/\/|\|I|\|G this Matty N3\/\/B!!!! Yee-ha!”
Great Mattekar gores you for 45 points!
You say, “Owwwww! Dammit, I’ll show you!”
You say, “Ha-ha! Eat burning death, courtesy of Death Ray VI, bastard!”
You say, “Equin Cavik”
You cast Cooking Ineptitude I on Great Mattekar.
Great Mattekar looks surprised.
You say, “errr…whoops…”
Great Mattekar says, “Well, I didn’t expect that.”
You say, “Ah-ha! Nobody expects the Spanish…URK!!!!”
Great Mattekar smites you so hard….sorry, this account has been smote so many times it has exceeded it’s clever saying allotment.
You say, “Hrmm…..Cooking Ineptitude I? Where the hell did I pick that up?”
Warchild tells you, “So Kwip (Equin Cavik), I was wondering (Equin Cavik), if you weren’t busy right now (Equin Cavik), do you wanna come to Uziz(Equin Cavik)?”
You tell Warchild, “Bastard!”
So it has come my attention that people from Microsoft have actually come to my little ol’ site. Yippeee! You know what that means, right? Yes! Because I must now be beloved at Microsoft, there can be no doubt that I probably have super-buffs on me, without me even knowing it! Why, if they love me (and who can’t), they probably made all my gear into the mostest phatest lewt possible! Why, it may look to YOU like I’m just a normal suckwad, but ha-ha!, I’ve been uber-buffed by Microsoft!
Death says, “So…who wants to tell him that Microsoft has nothing to do with the game content?”
You say, “Quiet you, it’s time for the new Super Kwip to make his presence known on Dereth!”
Death says, “Errmm…that may not be exactly a good idea.”
You say, “Hush. Hey! Hey you! Mr. Pk!”
Wicked Killah says, “Yes?”
You say, “Ha-ha, scared, aren’t you? Never thought you’d have to face…”
Kwip waits for background music to swell…
You say, “SUPER Kwip!!!!”
Wicked Killah says, “Didn’t I see you getting killed by a brown rabbit outside of Uziz yesterday?”
You say, “Shush! Mere mortal, grovel at my feet and perhaps I will let you live!”
Wicked Killah says, “I’m sorry, what?”
You say, “I’m wai-ting.”
Wicked Killah ponders this.
Wicked Killah says, “Is this some sort of setup?”
Wicked Killah looks around.
You say, “Ah-ha, scared, aren’t you? Yes, this is no mere mortal you face now! Bow down to my might!”
Wicked Killah says, “Alright, setup or not, you must die.”
You say, “Ha, that’s what you th…”
Wicked Killah cleaves you in twain!
Death says, “See? I told you so.”
You say, “Hrmmm…I must not have had the right weapon equipped.”
Death says, “No, seriously…could you just like practice spells or something so I could attend someone else for a change?”
You say, “Ah-ha! THIS was the bow I meant to have equipped!”
Death says, “That’s your practice bow, dummy.”
You say, “Yes, no one will expect death at my hands when I am weilding THIS!”
Kwip charges into battle.
Kwip says, “Ah-ha! Shadows! Vile creatures, prepare to meet your doom!”
Shadow Lt. says, “Oh, hell, it’s that little shit Kwip again. Hey, I got two shards that says I can pick him off from here.”
Shadow says, “Yeah, right. Suckers bet.”
Shadow Lt. says, “Hmm…tell ya what, let’s get Mikey.”
Shadow says, “Hey, yeah! Mikey won’t kill him; Mikey sucks at everything. Hey Mikey!”
Shadow Child says, “Yeah?”
Shadow says, “See that idiot over there with the practice bow?”
Shadow Child says, “The one that keeps trying to jump on that boulder even though perches were nerfed before we even came into this world?”
Shadow says, “Yeah, yeah, that’s the one. Go kill him!”
Shadow Child says, “Ok.”
Shadow Lt. says, “Oh, hey – make sure if you die you say something mysterious.”
Shadow Child says, “How about ‘Your ass is grass, and Bael’Zharon is the lawnmower!’?”
Shadow Lt. says, “Yeah, that’s cool.”
Shadow says, “I dunno, man – that’s not the sort of stuff that we’re supposed to say.”
Shadow Lt. says, “Dude – he’s fighting KWIP. Think he’s gonna get a chance to use a death message?”
Shadow says, “Oh. Good point.”
You say, “(pant)You just wait (gasp)…till I get (wheeze) on this here (pant) rock! (wheeze) Then I’m gonna rock (pant) your world!”
Shadow Child bashes you for 12 points of damage!
You say, “Ouch! You little bastard!”
Shadow Child giggles.
Shadow Child evades your attack.
Shadow Child bashes you for 18 points of damage!
You say, “Dammit! You little…”
Shadow Child reaches out and snaps your bowstring.
You say, “Hey! That’s not fair!”
Shadow Child says, “Fair? You try standing in the same spot for days on end waiting for some dipwad hero to show up to kill you. I’ll show you fair!”
Shadow Child kicks you in the groin for 22 points of damage!
You say, “OOOOOOF!”
Shadow Child stabs you with one of your own arrows for 13 points of damage!
Shadow Child kills you dead!
Shadow Child says, “Hoot! I’m da man!”
Shadow Lt. says, “Okay, pay up.”
A thin, whining voice seems to fill the air, saying, “…little bastard…lucky I didn’t buff first, that’s all…damn lag…”
Shadow says, “Man, that’s so spooky when they do that.”
11 Sep 2000