I think I’m getting old.
No, no, it’s true. Suddenly it seems like I’m a cranky, difficult-to-please grumpy jerk.
I suppose I first noticed it when the whole ‘Bottom’ fiasco was going on. But now… now, I find myself dissatisfied with the quality of a game. For the first time, I’m going to stop playing a game because the bugs bother me too much.
And this is me we’re talking about. I may not like things, but rarely do I out and out criticize them… okay, okay, that’s a lie. But in the words of the great philosopher and famous mariner Popeye: “I’ve had alls I can stands and I can’t stands no more!”
I think the problem is that I really love the game! That’s what’s bugging me. I am enjoying the heck out of it. It’s got me all excited about calculating the perfect template again, and researching things on the web, and scanning message boards looking for advice – stuff I haven’t done since AC!
Yup, I’m totally into the game. Problem is, I can’t get into the game – no, literally! I have trouble because the login servers are always down. And if they’re not down, then the lag on the server is completely unplayable. Bungee-cording might be cool off a bridge, but in the middle of a fight, it’s a pain in the nether regions.
What really has been bugging me too is that the few times I’ve talked to people that claim to be UBI employees (or CSRs or whatever you call them), they keep denying that the problem is on their end.
“Are your settings properly configured?”
“Yes – I have everything set at it’s lowest possible configuration.”
“Ah. That’s probably the problem then.”
“You see, sometimes your computer can get jammed up trying to turn down the textures…”
“You’re just making this up, aren’t you?”
“I’m afraid so, sir.”
It’s like some demented version of the Parrot Sketch in Monty Python. I don’t know who these people are that claim they can help me, but every one of them I talk to keeps trying to tell me it’s my system, or my cable modem, or my ISP, or sun spots, or evil hate beams being sent to me from orbiting alien death ships that want to ruin my life.
It really makes me wonder where they get these CSRs.
I can’t imagine how hard it must be to put a game like this together. I mean, if I have to match a pair of socks in my drawer, I’m breaking out in a cold sweat. And this game has some of the coolest, most original designs I’ve ever seen in a MOG. Some of the features – the guild cities, for example – are so cool, they make me hawt with lust.
Of course, I’d be lot hawter if they would actually allow me to partake of said hawtness instead of rebooting the servers, lagging all to hell, and just generally not working.
Then again, maybe that’s exactly why they released the game as buggy as it is. My hawtness has been known to intimidate a lot of people…
But really, this is a good game. There’s some great ideas here. Shadowbane is like the Pinocchio of MOGs. It has the possibility to become real.
But so far, it’s just running around, nose getting bigger, and slowly turning into an donkey. And you know what another word for donkey is, don’t you?
That’s right: burro.