Thor, I’m Not

Posted by Kwip on March 15th, 2006 | 6 Comments

Piloting through a storm might be considered dangerous. And, depending on the type of storm, some folks might even say it’s a bit crazy.

Which is where I come in.

I’m Kwip, Storm Farmer.

Well, okay, not really. But didn’t that SOUND cool? And truth be told, I have been farming the heck out of storms recently, thanks to the new addition (well, to ME it’s new, but I’m not sure how long it’s been in the game) of the FuelScoop. The Scoop takes up one of your MODx slots, and basically "scoops" fuel (or whatever valuable materials you can find in a storm cloud).

When I first heard about this, I was intrigued. Previously, the only thing I had thought storms were good for was destroying your armor or destroying your shields – and usually when there’s a bunch of annoying Flux just waiting to take advantage of the situation.

But with that Scoop, you can cruise through the storm and gather a bunch of material (hydrogen, helium, stuff like that) and then sell it at the station. Of course the tricky part is getting together the perfect ship for such harvesting.

My first attempt was loading up my battle Tow and shooting off into space. There was a purple storm nearby. Compared to the Orange (armor eater) and the Blue (shield eater), the Purple’s fairly innocuous. The only side effect of flying through a Purple storm is the unusual ‘wind’ that blows through them, pushing you off course. But if you’re just going in a straight line away from the gate out into empty space, that’s no problem. Who cares if you get pushed around a bit in open space, right?

The only thing I needed to worry about was gunning the engines. This led to my first problem: speed – or actually, lack thereof. In order for a Scoop to function properly, you need to maintain a speed of at least 400. A Tow’s normal top speed is about 390 (at least with the engines I had – I’m sure there’s some Artifact engines out there I could find that’d kick my speed up a bit, but heck if I can get my grubby mitts on them – and I’d only die once I got them anyway, so nyah). If I kicked in the afterburners, I could pump it up to around 410-420. Which is fine and all – it’d definitely start filling up the cargo hold, but I could only sustain it for so long.

Oh, I TRIED to keep it going. I used up all my afterburner fuel, in fact. So when I returned to the Jumpgate, that completely harmless wind started to blow, but I just ignored it, as always. After all, if it began blowing too heavily, I’d just kick in my afterburners and push through it to straighten my course out!

Yeah. So, boom. The wind picked me up and bitch-slapped me into the jumpgate.

Remember all that WONDERFUL fuel I’d spent the past 20 minutes "scooping" up? It turns out that it’s HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE. It doesn’t like being bounced into things, and will respond by exploding in a bright, flashy manner.

Right, so, the Tow was out. I fooled around with a couple different ships and various load-outs trying to find that "perfect" harvesting load until I wound up with the Hawk. Now, the Hawk and I go waaaay back. Like, level 12 back. I spent countless hours behind the stick of this ship, and it really is one of my favorites because out of all the ships in Jumpgate, the Hawk would be the Millenium Falcon. It’s fast as hell, has some cargo space, and… well, okay, the analogy breaks down there, but you get my point. Actually, I had no point, I just like thinking of myself as Han Solo…

The Hawk doesn’t have a huge amount of cargo space, but it can easily maintain speeds of 400+ WITHOUT burning the precious afterburner fuel. So I geared up and went storm chasing – this time in an Orange storm. I jumped in and there were two squids waiting for me. The rest of the sector was empty, so I simply ignored them and went about my business. Squids are WAAAY too slow to catch up to my Mill… er… Hawk, so I wasn’t worried about them. Of course with the storm destroying my armor, I wasn’t going to risk fighting them, either.

Like I said, the Hawk IS fast, so I kicked the throttle all the way open and just cruised for a while, occasionally throwing a taunt or two into open space at the Flux. Yeah, supposedly these ones aren’t sentient, but why take the chance of missing an opportunity to insult an enemy?

My cargo hold filled up quickly, and it was only a matter of minutes before I was turning around and heading back to the station. Now even though the Hawk is a speedy ship, I was still several sectors away from the nearest station. By the time I got back to the station, docked (which takes me FOREVER, yes I suck), and sold my "scooped" fuel, the storms had all moved off into open space, out of my reach.

Great. About two hours of setting up for fifteen minutes of scooping, and not many credits to show. I think I wound up making about 100,000 credits – and for the amount of time I spent, I probably could’ve been more productive Fluxing.

Even WITH the added deaths.

I don’t really have the patience to mine nor to haul cargo. I think I’ll just go back to my warrior instincts and start hunting Flux again. Yeah, I suck at that, but at least it’s ACTIVE flying.

Plus, one of these times I’ll figure out the gun combo that actually damages those damn Jumpgates… THEN we’ll see who petals whom!

I Feel Like Seafood For Dinner Tonite!

Posted by Kwip on February 23rd, 2005 | 5 Comments

I think I’ve mentioned before that I’ve been trying to save up money in Jumpgate. I’m pretty poor right now, and cargo missions are taking FOREVER to make any loot. Add that to my already childish patience level, and you’ll see we have a problem. Houston.

So I gave up on hauling cargo. The cool thing about hauling cargo is that you for the most part, you can equip an Anti-Flux, pop a movie in, and spend some time catching up on your video library. Unfortunately, every time I’d try and do this, somebody would start telling a funny story in :chat, and I’d get distracted, and wind up trying to pilot my ship with the remote control and pause the movie with my joystick. Which worked about as well as can be expected – I’ve got wreckage floating in just about every sector to testify to that.

Instead I decided that I was going to hunt Flux. In order to do this, I finally purchased that ultimate in killing machines: the Octavian Heavy Fighter, the Dragon.

The Dragon is impressive for a number of things: FIVE gun slots (three size four, two size three), five missile slots, and armor that is thicker than my ass.

In other words, if a Dragon is coming at straight at you, the best thing to do is not be there.

It has it’s downsides, of course. It’s slow on acceleration, turns like me on rollerskates, and it’s A PAIN IN THE ASS TO EQUIP! I had to fly out to Evening’s End to get all the equipment for it – which wasn’t really that bad, considering I could’ve gotten stuck traveling through every other faction’s space to get each part. But even so, landing at Great Pillars (where the ship is stocked), only to discover I’ve got to fly back out to EE to get all the equipment is annoying.

To make up for this annoyance, I made sure to bitch to everyone on :chat how annoying it was. I’m sure they were all very concerned and rushed right out to stock Oct space with every piece of equipment needed. I’m also sure that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny were their escorts on the cargo runs…

I was looking forward to taking on some higher-end Flux. I had put a call out for some help to check out Flux Space (which I’ve never been to), but everyone was busy blowing the hell out of each other in a free-for-all in Sim, so I was stuck flying solo.

To make up for the lack of wingmen, I decided to stick to regular space. And, just to play it safe, I also decided to hunt in Mokk’s Battlefield. I like hunting in Mokks because you can get some decent Flux there, but usually in manageable numbers (one or two Eels, maybe). I accepted a mission to hunt down four C7 Mantas (or higher). I figure I can handle Mantas pretty easily in my Dragon, so this should be easy.

I think the highest I’ve ever faced before was an Eel, perhaps with a Manta flying escort. So I figured that Mokks would do, and that I could brush up a bit on my Fluxing on the way there.

I left Great Pillars, and sure enough, found plenty of Flux on my way. Unfortunately, they were all little Flux – a few Squids and a Snail or two. Not that I was complaining, mind you – they were plenty easy to kill. But they were a bit too easy. Against them, it took one pass to wipe them out. I knew that wouldn’t really be the sort of warming up I’d need if I wanted to face an Eel.

I finally hop into Mokks and drift out a bit from the Jumpgate. I wasn’t sure if I’d need to duck back inside it quickly, so I didn’t want to get too far away. But then again, if I decided to stay and fight it out, I wanted to be well clear of the gate when I started my runs so I wouldn’t have to worry about crashing into the gate (yeah, I know, hard to imagine ME doing that, huh?).

Well, sure enough, a few seconds of waiting and my screen lights up. First up is a Manta screaming at me at top speed. They’re fast little buggers, and they can turn on a dime – I know how to fight them. Nice long strafing runs – if you try and circle with them (especially in a big fat Dragon), they’ll cut you apart. So I’m licking my lips, thinking I’ve got a good fight lined up, and I kick in the thrusters and start streaking towards him.

Which is right about the time I notice an Eel hot on his heels. Okay, this isn’t great – Eels hit hard. They are also fast and hard to lose. But I’m thinking I’ve got three Lances and two of my favorites, Purgs, under my wings. If I can drive in at them in a dead bee-line, I can really bloody their noses before they can start dodging.

Which is when I notice the third dancer, a Phoc, screaming in behind them.

This is really not good. I’ve never solo’d a Phoc, and definitely not with such a full dance card. But hey, I’ve got those big fat missiles, right? What fun! So I kick up the thrusters and continue my charge.

The distance is closing fast. I want to launch a Purg after the Manta at the last second, because I want it to be too close to dodge. Likewise the Eel – I want to hit him right in the face with a Lance. This probably was a horrible strategy, but I knew no better. But this shows why it’s important to have a really good joystick you’re comfortable with – not only was I going to be switching targets rapidly, but I was also going to be switching between which missiles I was firing.

I practice toggling targets and missiles for the two seconds I’ve got, then the bad guys are in range. Well, their range – I’m using lasers for the extra accuracy and unlimited ammo, but I’m giving up that extra range and damage ammo gets me. As we close, I see the first mistake in my strategy – the Eel is coming at me dead-on, and he’s firing those big-ass cannons of his the whole time. I’m charging face-first into blobs of Eel spit, and it immediately starts shredding my shield. I try and give as good as I get, opening fire on the Manta and scoring a nice long rake across it’s back as I kick off a Purg in pursuit of him, then adjust my crosshairs onto the oncoming Eel. I get off a long burst at him, and his shields are buckling almost as fast as mine are – and then I slam a Lance right up his nose and he explodes right in front of me.

I’m so startled, I completely miss the Phoc as he streaks by, adding his vicious blasts to my already-damaged shield. I kick in the FlashFire and burn as fast as I can away from him, but not before he damn near armors me. Phocs just turn too damn fast when you don’t pop them a few times to make them turn away.

I check my radar and see that my Purg must’ve landed on the Manta, because his shields are gone and he’s at about 35% armor. But he’s not letting that slow him down; he’s already past the Phoc and doing his best to catch up to me. I take my time, trying to think my shields into healing up faster. When they reach almost halfway charged, I rollover and charge back at them.

This run, I’m focused completely on the Manta and it pays off – he goes up almost in the first hit, leaving me plenty of time to switch to the Phoc. He gets in some shots on me, but without any other distractions, I actually finish him off pretty quickly.

I try not to strut as I head back to base to re-load my missiles and refuel.

Unfortunately, the base is out of Flashfires. Well, no biggy – after all, I only used one last time, and that was because I was scared. Now I knew what I was doing, I’d be eating seafood in no time, FFs or not!

I return to Mokks. This time, it’s an Eel and two Krakens in escort. Well, I figure, I’ve just wiped the floor with two bigger Flux than the Kraken, so no problem, right?

Right, we all know how successful I am when I’m cocky.

Five minutes later, after the Krakens have completely molested me, I’m back at the station trying to re-equip another Dragon. THIS time I’m coming loaded for battle – never mind those sissy Lances, this time I’m bringing a NUKE to the party. Yes, I equipped a Maul and charged off to battle. The station was woefully undersupplied, so I’m stuck trying a mortar loadout. I’m going to be firing MUCH slower, but my shots will pack more power. And they’ll be limited – I’ve got 120 rounds to clean up one more C7 Flux and get out of there.

I ignore any Flux as I sail back to Mokks (gotta conserve that ammo), and jump in, waiting to see what’s going to be thrown at me this time. Another weird combo shows up – a Manta, a Kraken and an Eel. I always thought Krakens were limited to different areas of space, but it seems they’re moving on up.

I know I’m in trouble. I only have to kill that Manta, but there’s just no way I’m gonna get him before his friends close. I figure I’ll give it one good try jousting straight through them, and if that hurts too much, I’ll afterburn away, point myself at the gate, and just burn all my fuel to get there. Hopefully my shields can take it.

That sounds like a good plan. If I had stuck to it, it might’ve actually worked, too. Instead, I manage to land several good hits on all of them as I streak through them – a favor they return with interest, of course, but I’m too busy gloating over my hits on them and their severely damaged shields. Now a bit of strategy comes to me. I come up with the PERFECT PLAN.

I lead them off a ways in a nice long, circling path that brings me right back to the gate. I burn straight through it, and I should’ve jumped right there. Instead, I coast through, flip over and hit my afterburners, slowing my drift away from the gate. The Flux come streaking in on me…

And I launch my nuke straight at the gate.

It’s slow as Hell, but I’ve timed it pretty well, and it hits the gate when they’re no more than a couple clicks out. At which point I discover that a nuclear blast will, indeed, harm it’s launcher.

My shields are blasted away in a flash and whatever remained of my armor does me about as much good as my cotton briefs. My own nuke disintegrates my ship around me.

My ego completely shattered by my own stupidity, I manage to salvage a load of Vapors for my next Dragon and enough equipment to make it a passable fighter. The last sortie into Mokks turns out to be my best yet – I face a lone Kraken. Although I’ve underestimated these guys every turn before, this time I take no chances; I start out by sending a couple of Stilettos at him. I open up with a full barrage of my lasers as we pass, and weaken his shields heavily. I’m not sure if he tried to dodge them or not, but at least one of the missiles hit him then – and that’s all it took.

I didn’t wait around to see where his friends where; I kicked in the afterburners and beat feet back to the station. The mission earned me about 100,000 credits, and only cost me a few million in ships, missiles and equipment.

Sigh.

I Got A Griffin! I Got A Griffin! I Got A *BOOM*… Dammit.

Posted by Kwip on February 9th, 2005 | 17 Comments

So last time we discussed Jumpgate, I was telling you how excited I was to be working towards the Octavius Ranger, the Griffin.

Well, I’m proud to say I finally made it. Yes, I’m now high enough level that I can pilot the Griffin! Unfortunately, the actual skill to pilot it still seems to be a long ways off…

The reason I’m so excited about flying a Griffin is because I’m interested in doing some "Arti-Hunting" – that is, Artifact Hunting. If you’re not familiar with the story of Jumpgate, it’s basically this: there once was a great galaxy-spanning civilization. For whatever reason (I blame the stinky Quants), a great catastrophe wiped out most of them. Over the following bazillion years, technology grew back to allow space travel. But now we find remnants of the pre-collapse technology in the deeper reaches of space.
If you equip an Insight and a Displacer, you can circle a piece of wreckage and beam a piece of tech out of it. Sometimes it’s just a lousy data capsule, but sometimes it’s pre-collapse tech, like uber engines, weapons, or what have you. And pre-collapse stuff is sweet.

But finding the wreckage to beam your treasure out of is a challenge. It requires a REALLY fast ship and a lot of patience. Basically, you fly in the deepest reaches of space, looking for wreckage. While you’re doing that, Flux are zooming in at you from every angle. Having a big fast ship like the Griffin is important, because it allows you to easily outdistance most of the Flux you’re likely to encounter while Arti Hunting. There can be a tense moment if you take too long circling the wreckage, but usually you’re beaming and burning LONG before the Flux get anywhere near you.

Anyway, I finally made it up to get my Griffin, as I was saying. Now a smart pilot would scout out the equipment they need, make a cargo run to gather it all together, and then build a finely-equipped Ranger ready for action.

Unfortunately, the closest I come to a "smart pilot" is when I catch one of their missiles.
I’m so excited about being able to get a Griffin, I promptly buy it without considering if ANY of the equipment I’ll need for it is anywhere in the same SECTOR as me, never mind at my current station. Oh, sure – after I realize the huge error I’ve made, I could just buy back a Condor and cruise around to the various stations to get what I need. But where’s the fun in that?

No, instead I jump into my Griffin with equipment that a level 1 starting player would be embarrassed to be seen in. So embarrassing, in fact, I’m not going to even link to them here. Just browse through the equipment database, pick out the worst items you can find, and then imagine the same items made out of Nerf. That’s pretty much what I was flying with. Except for shields, because this station had NO SIZE ONE SHIELDS.
So yes, I’m flying with NO SHIELDS.

(Dammit Orka, stop being funny while I’m trying to write! I can’t get back into the game right now to taunt you, I have to finish this writing! I’ll come crash for your amusement later, I promise!)

Now I know you might be worried about me flying shieldless across the great divide; but allow me to assure you that the Griffin is such a fast ship, it doesn’t have to worry about bad guys getting close enough to shoot at it.

That is, of course, provided you’ve actually equipped it with decent engines and a good powerplant. Which I have not.

So now I’ve got two of this little bastich squids – who I would normally be splattering across space – damn near drooling as they EASILY overtake me and proceed to pound the ever loving snot out of my thoroughly un-shielded backside.

And then, just because I wasn’t embarrassed enough about this whole matter, a level FIVE pilot arrives to save me! To make matter worse, I promptly forgot their name – so if you’re reading this, Level Five Pilot Who Saved The Idiot Level Thirty-Four Pilot, you have my thanks. Now let’s pretend it never happened, mmmkay?

After a few more equally painful sojourns through the darkness, I’ve managed to equip myself with some decent gear. And then, to make life even better, I discover that in my cargo depot, I’ve stored some damn uber artifacts from my early attempts at arti-hunting!
Now I’m stoked! I’d totally forgotten about this unbelievable power plant and engine combo I had discovered – at least a year ago, no wonder I forgot! Of course, it’s possible I stole them from Phil when he wasn’t minding his station. Either way, they’re MINE, and my Griffin is ready to ROCK YOUR FACE! Or hunt Artis.

I launch, and when I tell you the ship was fast, I want you to imagine me chasing a pint of Ben & Jerrys, downhill, with the wind at my back. On roller skates. Well, no, I’d just fall and get road rash. Never mind that analogy: imagine light, right – but imagine it with SUPER TURBO ROCKET BOOSTERS strapped on to its… erm… tail?

FAST, people. That’s what I’m trying to convey here. I burn through two sectors in about the time it had taken me just to dock at the last station! I can’t believe how smoothly the ship handles. Even docking amazes me – I’m used to burning thrusters till I get about 6k from the dock, turning and after-burning to bring my heavy ass to a complete stop, then very carefully turning to point myself directly at the docking tube, and very carefully proceeding in for a nice, safe dock.

Well, not so with the Griffin! I rollover about 300 clicks from the dock, hit my afterburners, and GLIDE to a stop! Nice as you please! Then I turn, point my nose into the docking ring, hit the thrusters…

And smash into the docks at 105 kph.

Yeah, see, you have to dock at under 100kph. Sigh.

I think I’m just going to go back to the starter shuttle.

WITH the docking computer to handle docking for me…

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