Things That Make You Go BOOM!
Posted by Kwip on May 12th, 2008 | 2 Comments 
When PlanetSide offered a free trial, there was just no way I could pass it up. I have WAY too many fond memories of that game, and the chance to get back in for a couple hours was too rich to pass up. And it’s not just me, you can play the game for FREE now if you were a past player. So if you wondered what all the changes were about, this is a great chance to get back in there and check it out.
Let me just tell you: there are a LOT of changes. When I last played, I was still puzzling over how the caverns worked. And you know what? I STILL DON’T KNOW. Yeah, real surprise there, right? But now there’s even MORE new stuff to confuse me!
For starters, there’s new types of turrets. Before there were these turret things that sat on the ground and blew the hell out of anyone (me) that was foolish enough (again, me) to get near them without blowing them up first (guess who?). Now they have turrets that are INVISIBLE. Let me just go into more detail here: there you are, strolling along into an enemy base, patting yourself on the back for being a sneaky bastich who slipped past their perimeter. And what happens? Explodination, that’s what!
Trying to remember the things that existed in the game when I played is hard enough, but learning new things? Unpossible. I spent the first fifteen minutes in game trying to shoot enemy snipers with a repair beam. You laugh, but I’m pretty sure I was kicking ass…
One of the great things about PS is that there’s an "Instant Action" button. So, just as a random example, if you’re a complete idiot and can’t figure out how to get somewhere where there is active combat, you just hit this button and you’re automatically teleported to a location that’s got a battle waging. Of course once you get there, you’re on your own to figure out what is going on.
And obviously I could not figure out what was going on. I wound up at a tower outside one of our bases that was under attack. I ran from the tower to the base – making sure I had an actual weapon equipped this time – and came to the "back door" of the base. Most of the bases have such an entrance – it is a small tunnel that can be hacked so enemy soldiers can sneak into the depths of the base. A great twist on the game, because some of the greatest fights I have been in have been defending that entrance.
So I find myself at this entrance, and I begin sneaking down. The only problem is, there are about half a dozen VS’ers (Vanu Sovereignty, one of the other factions in the game – aka, THE ENEMY). But they confuse the Hell out of me because they don’t start shooting at me. Some of them look DIRECTLY at me – and then just run past. Obviously, they’re playing a game called "Confuse a Kwip," and they’re playing it MUCH better than I. I kind of stand around for a minute, because I’m not sure what’s going on – are there alliances in the game now? Are these guys on our side? Or maybe they want to be friends?
I start imagining a whole scenario where a group of VS’ers grow dissatisfied with their ruling class and fall madly in love with a roguish NC’er who charms them all with his clumsiness and ineffectual combat skills. It is a tale of forbidden love, worthy of the Bard!
And then they wake up and shoot me in the face.
I have a few seconds to react. I turn to Juliette – sorry, the closest VS’er – and pull out my combat knife. I wanted to pull out a better weapon – you know, one that actually SHOOTS – but I figure at this rate at least I’m not trying to repair them, so I’m learning. I don’t even come close to stabbing them, but their comrade helps me – in his haste to shoot me, he shoots THROUGH his teammate.
Yaaay, friendly fire!
Sadly, that wasn’t the only sort of friendly fire I encountered during this session. One of the most dangerous weapons in-game are grenades. Not because they do the most damage, mind you – but because they’re SOOOO easy to kill your teammates, your vehicle, people on your side but not wanting anything to do with the idiot with grenades but still standing too close, and even yourself.
If there is one thing that Sony has to fix in this game, it’s the grenade mechanism. Yes it IS broken, because OBVIOUSLY I am NOT the sort of person to charge in behind my teammates and carelessly throw grenades at the backs of their heads! Nor am I the sort of person who – while some poor soul is kind enough to try and heal me – drops a grenade at his own feet, killing himself, his medic, and three of his teammates in one fell swoop.
Broken. Broken, broken, BROKEN. Better get on that, Sony.
I just can’t win. If I’m not throwing grenades around me like Rip Taylor on speed with an extra large bag of confetti, I’m blasting away with a shotgun at an enemy when a teammate charges RIGHT in front of me. And would you believe the guy then has the audacity to send me a tell asking me what I was doing? As if I knew!
I get a lot of tells. Usually they’re making fun of me or telling me to stop trying to repair the wall, or that the tank I keep targeting is actually one of ours. You know, the usual. But every once in a while I seem to strike a nerve with people. In the middle of defending one of our bases, someone sends me a tell, "YOU PUSSY!"
For the life of me, I can’t figure out why they were mad at me. I mean, sure, it fits. But I don’t know if I was a pussy because I was using a camera-guided rocket to attack his tank from behind our base walls instead of standing there like a man and letting him run me down?
Obviously, this guy didn’t know I am SUCH a tough guy, I regularly throw grenades at my own feet just to show how tough I am…
I still don’t know how it happened. Well, I mean, OBVIOUSLY I drove over his face in a tank. We got that much. But he was coming out of the barracks where the spawn tubes are, and I was pulling up out front. So far, so good.
I’m now left with the choice of respawning back on our home planet where I can grab another vehicle and charge back into the fray, or else settling for trudging it along with the rest of the sorry grunts.
