Can You Ever TRULY Go Home?

It’s been a loooooooooong time.

I mean, I would still log in, cruise around just to see where people were hanging out – but being on for any length of time? I haven’t done that since… Sheesh, I don’t even remember. I’ve been busy having fun doing quests and trying to level up so much on Frostfell, I’ve completely neglected Darktide Kwip. Well, no more! Today I attempted to rectify that situation!

What in the HELL have you people been up to?

Look, I left the place in somewhat decent shape. Sure, some of the Bloods were a little too drunk and puked on the carpet in a few spots, but jeebus… My old guild’s MOTD was something about “Get in the xp chain or get boot.” I didn’t ask; I just left quietly. Maybe they won’t notice, ya think?

While the idiot:background ratio has always been unfortunately high on Darktide, I came in today to notice that it has been raised. SIGNIFICANTLY.

I’m doing my own thing, be-bopping around, seeing where people are, getting killed – you know, the usual. I watch some Bloods chase each other around Glendon Wood for a while before getting bored and deciding to pop into the GW Dungeon. Fun place, always nice to visit. I figure it’s as good a spot to die as any, really.

So I hop in the portal, expecting imminent death, and what do I get? Imminent death and amazing stupidity!

Axlen says, “nigga”
Axlen says, “buh bye”
Death says, “Yo yo yo, homeslice!”
You tell Axlen, “What’s up with ‘nigga’?”
Axlen tells you, “cuz im black”
Axlen tells you, “i call my ppl i gunna kill dat”
Axlen tells you, “why no”

I’m not really sure what to make of that. I’ve always taken it that if you get called ‘nigga’ by a black person, you can be considered ‘cool.’ Unless they’re saying it along the lines of, “I’m about to bust a cap in this nigga’s behind!” Then you’re not cool. You’re usually ducking and saying things like “Now fellas, can’t we all just get along?”

Also, he referred to me as ‘my ppl.’ Therefore, I think it’s safe to say that I am down, yo. If you need me, you’ll find me touring with Snoop Dogg.

Sigh. Lost One, Elemental Blast – how I miss you! No, seriously. How I missed you! I would shoot and shoot and shoot, but I never seemed to land a shot…

I’m lost. I think that’s what’s really bothering me. No, no, no – not the vitae. I’m plenty used to that. But mostly – I just feel out of touch! I used to know who held what town, and I didn’t even have to look at the map! Well, okay, that’s such a lie. I never knew what town I was in, let alone who controlled it. But I had an idear of who I was about to die to. Now, I just don’t have a clue, so I have to scream, “OMGBLOODSUX!” every time I get PK’d, just to play it safe.

How could I have fallen so far behind the times? I feel like Rip Van W0_onkle! Some guy one-shotted me and then bragged about it! He BRAGGED! About killing ME! WTF is wrong with these people? He was only ten levels below me, and he acted like it was an accomplishment!

It was such a scary place. These two guys came up to me, and not only did they take my lunch money, but they called me names afterwards, too! I had to bury my head in the pillow and cry for HOURS after that, let me tell you.

But one thing I did delight in discovering: they still leave the pyreals on your body! Thank Gord for small miracles! Not only was I able to afford the all-important shoes, but also, arrows! I was like… like… like some sort of ferocious level 10!

Death says, “Aren’t you level 42?”
You say, “So?”
Death says, “It’s just…well… You’re level FORTY-TWO. And you’re proud of managing the same things as a level ten?”
You say, “Well…maybe a level eleven. With buffs, of course.”
Death says, “Of course.”

Darktide, my Mistress of Naughty Bits, I’m back. Oh, how I’ve missed you! But, uh, who the hell are all these new faces? I saw someone from Owain Goch’s crew, and I have to tell you: that felt good. I actually remembered a name!

More will come to me as I page through DNN. Like some bad dream, probably. But man, I miss those days. Defending Uziz (well, by ‘defending’ I mean ‘patiently waiting my turn to die whilst hitting for 3-4 points a shot’). The sekrit listening post! Thinking that casting “Leaden Feet IV” on the mean PKers actually helped in the defense of town!

Sooo…anyone still there that remembers me? Is it still as fun? I’d like to get in on some fights. I’m not any good or anything, but I DO provide some comic relief as I die loudly!

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