Attack of the Killer Interior Designers!

So there’s this city, I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, called Avalon City. AC, to the hip kids.

It’s chock full of these wacky Drakoran guys. Basically, they’re walking alligators. Which can be a bit unnerving if you happen to resemble a walking TV Dinner. Which I do.

What I don’t understand is WHY we’re charging into THEIR town, right, and beating the crap out of them. I mean, really, it’s like a bunch of us charging into Fraggle Rock and beating the hell out of the doozers. Oh, sure, they put up a good fight, don’t get me wrong – I’ve left so many gravestones there, I think the entire north wall is built of them.

But really, look at these guys. They’re crafters and lotsellers! That’s like interior decorators and real estate agents in the Drakoran world!

Basically, what we have here is the Drakoran equivalent to Trading Spaces.

They’re in here, trying to redo the living room of their friends, the Ogres, who are over trying to redo the bedroom (caves) of the Drakos. And normally, where a tight budget or a rainstorm might be the worst thing the show has to deal with, instead, there’s about two billion screaming Albs running through, impaling everything in sight…

Real estate agents. We’re in here, beating up on Real Estate Agents. Oh, sure, they might be covered in scales. And maybe they’ve got jaws that put Jay Leno to shame, but come on – put yourself in their shoes!

“Yes, this is a lovely little Abby that’s being re-made into a GAAAARRRRKKKKKK!”
“OMG PHAT XP – WHUT DID HE DROP?”

And what’s even worse is when we charge in there and beat up on the crafters. It’s like charging into a building full of Martha Stewarts and kicking the sh… er… No, I can tell by your giggles that’s a bad analogy.

Okay, it’s like charging into a room full of your Kindergarten teacher and… what? Your teacher did WHAT? Oh. Well, okay, you’ll enjoy that too much. Look, it’s like charging into a room full of TOTALLY HARMLESS OLD LADIES KNITTING SWEATERS and slaughtering the lot of ’em!

I heard you giggle, Anson. Wait till I tell your grandma!

Honestly, though, we haven’t even seen what they intend to do with the place. Maybe they’ll build a bigger and better city! I mean, who knows, right? Have YOU ever been to a Drakoranian city? No? Well, there you go!

Maybe they have – get this – CRAFTERS AND MERCHANTS ALL IN ONE PLACE! And – I’m not even done – maybe, just MAYBE there’s EVERY TRAINER, all on the SAME LEVEL! With no stairs to fall down!

Hey man, you don’t know! This could be! But will we ever find out? No, because we’re too busy playing Homicidal Housing Inspector With A Pole Arm every five seconds!

And let me just point something else out – we can make fun of them for living in this beat-up ruin, but hey, at least THEY have a home! Have you seen the prices on housing yet? Man, never mind ever fighting monsters again – I say we go after the real estate agents! There we go – you guys want to beat up on Realtors? Go beat up ours! Look how bad they’re shafting us!

I was all proud of the 190 gold pieces I managed to scrounge together for the guild housing fund, only now Phil told me, and I quote, “that’s about 1/100th of the deposit on our guild home – which is merely a cardboard box outside the north gate of Camelot!”

So if you need to find me, I’ll be following the Draks around AC, begging for fabric scraps…

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