The Blame Game

Saying that thieves aren’t trusted is like saying that sometimes I die.

Now that I’ve finally gained level 10 and figured out where the heck I needed to go to get trained, I’m officially a thief.

The problem is, when you’re a thief, you’re instantly at fault for every thing that someone supposes they had. It’s like five minutes after I join a group now, someone’s screaming, “OMG I HAD FIVE HUNDRED TANLARION SWORDS N NOW THEY R GON! KWIP STOL THEM!” So I’m looking around, trying to figure out what the hell tanlarion swords are, and what it means when they become ‘gon’ because I ‘stol’ them, I’ve been kicked from the group, broadcast to the server that I’m a general bastich not to be trusted, grouped with, or dealt with in any way except a sword to my face. Of course, I sign on the next day, and the brainiac is telling me he’s sorry, he got this character confused with another one, and this one didn’t have the swords on it. But it’d be too much effort to tell the rest of the server he was wrong…

Sigh.

Thieves are underpowered. We need to be given a bazooka that we can blow off someone’s face with any time we’re wrongly accused of stealing something.

Well, okay, I’m overreacting…

Death says, “You? Overreact? GASP! I can’t believe it!”
You say, “Quiet, slut!”

Er…where was I. Oh, right, overreacting. I guess it’s kind of a given that if something goes missing, and you’ve got someone in your party that basically has “THIEF” stamped on their forehead, it kind of pinpoints where you want to start your questioning… I mean, if I came into a room where seven young women and men had just been eaten, and a minotaur was there licking his lips – well, I might get a tad suspicious. Or if I went into the FORBIDDEN LIBRARY and the deadly volume Necronomicon was out of it’s chained vault, laying open on the floor, and a young wizard was sitting next to it with his eyes smoking, yeah, I might be suspicious. Or if I came into a room and there was an empty pint of Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie and I saw myself sitting there, looking innocent but with strange brown stains down the front of my shirt, I just might be suspicious. Or if…

Death says, “GET ON WITH IT!”

Oh. Right. Anyway, that’s where today’s comic comes in: the fun of being the only thief in the group when something goes missing.

Yeah. Normally the groups I’m in start out all warm and fuzzy, but quickly degenerate into “Let’s See What We Can Blame On Kwip”-fests. And I mean, it’s not like they’re blaming their deaths on me – that’s rather expected. But now – I think it’s safe to say that if this were Salem, I’d be first on the pyre.

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