So Kwipette and I have been having a lot of discussions about time management lately. See, with the wedding closing in and all, there just seems to be more and more stuff to do. The breakdown of our duties thus far has gone something like this:
|Kwipette:||Get a wedding dress
Label ALL the invitations (by hand – hey, is it MY fault she’s got neat handwriting?)
Order the cake
Reserve the wedding hall (which is my VFW, mind you – hey, I fought for this country to earn my right for two dollars off of every plate of roast beef!)
Make the guest list. Cut about 15,425 people from said guest list (many of which were there from me – hey man, how do you KNOW Gillian doesn’t want to come?)
Get addresses of people lucky enough to make cut
Write out directions to the church
Reserve block of rooms at hotel
Explain to Yellow Rat Bastard why he has to take a bath to attend our wedding
Make appointment to have her hair done
Select menu for reception
Arrange meetings between us and Pastor.
Refuse Pastor’s advice to have me killed.
Pass mental health test to prove she’s not clinically insane for wanting to marry me.
Order dresses for Bridesmaids
Order/Select flower arrangements for church/reception.
Rent Limobus (yeah, it’s as cool as it sounds)
Make legal arrangements for wedding certificate thingy
Change her name (Since she has to do it anyway, I suggested “Ima Bicurious,” but my suggestion was met with a throat punch)
Pick out wedding bands
Work up the courage to actually say ‘yes’
Now, that’s pretty impressive; but let’s take a look at my list, shall we?
|Kwip:||Make a map to the church, hotel & reception hall
Find a place that will rent kilts big enough to cover my enormous ass
Wow. Yeah, I have no idea when I’m gonna get all that done, either. Truth be told, I think Kwipette’s slacking a bit – I mean, come on, she knows my measurements! Why can’t she find a kilt rental place for me? And she’s like 90% done with her list! I’m still at 0%! Shouldn’t she help me? Isn’t that what marriages are all about, helping one another? Sheesh!
Okay, okay; so maybe she DOES have a couple more things to do than me. But still – she comes home from working all day on Saturday to discover I spent the day in my underwear either napping or trying a fun new quest. And she acts like it’s a big deal! Like I did NOTHING important the ENTIRE day!
Yeah, I was pretty speechless, too. I mean – we’re not talking about ANY stones – this is a PRISMATIC STONE! I NEED one of those!
Kwipette says, “You don’t even have an Isparian weapon! And if you did, you couldn’t use it!”
You say, “Yeah, but I’m gonna have one SOMEDAY, right? So better safe than sorry!”
Kwipette says, “Did you at least work on the map?”
You say, “Yeah, I took a nap for about three hours earlier.”
Kwipette says, “MAP! M-A-P MAP!”
You say, “Oh, right, map. Er. What map?”
You say, “Oh oh oh – the MAP! See, I thought you were talking about the map to find the Prismatic Stone…”
Kwipette says, “I don’t care about the map to find the Prismatic Stone!”
You say, “Well, good, because you don’t need one! It’s a really easy quest, too, you just have to…”
Kwipette says, “I’m going to punch you in the throat now.”
You say, “Fair enough.”
So yeah, she’s wound pretty tight. I’ve tried explaining to her that the best way to deal with stress is to just cut lose and bust a few Tusker chops, but she keeps pointing out to me that it is, in fact, the Tuskers that usually wind up busting MY chops. Hrmph. Po-TAH-toes, po-TAY-toes.
I think this stress is really affecting my combat readiness, too. I mean, the other day, I was running around up in the pass above Arwic, and a couple of Monoguas jumped me. Now normally I would feed them their teeth. But this time, they pounded the hell out of me! I pulled my bow out, but couldn’t do anything except stare dumbly at them as they bounced their clubs off my face!
Death says, “That’s because you were out of arrows, Sherlock.”
It was so disturbing. Obviously, I’m suffering from the heavy weight of all this responsibility I’m facing.
Death says, “Obviously.”
I mean, I think what I really need is a trip. Some new surroundings to explore. Yes! An opportunity to get away, to suddenly change my surroundings! Hey – is that an elemental coming this way? Gurk!
Lightning elemental smites you so hard the Lifestone flinches!
Death says, “Wow, how was that for a change of surroundings? You know if you had a Prismatic Stone, you coulda fought better!”