Ah-ha! I am a SCOUT! Taste Death! Gah, I meant YOU!

I don’t get it.

I mean, I FINALLY battled enough frogs to make it to level five. I have saved every snippet of frog legs that were dropped to afford a trip to Camelot. I get there, get accepted into my profession (Scouts, for those of you not paying attention), and NOW I’m finally well equipped! My guildmates felt sorry for me and sprung for a nice longbow – and it cons ORANGE to me, buckos, so you just KNOW this is one bad bow! Another gold and they’ve provided me with nifty armor – and it’s orange, too! Why, I’m a walking death machine!

So why the hell is it that I get killed by an ANT as soon as I leave Camelot? Sigh.

Well, never mind that. I’m through hunting monsters now! I’m level FIVE! I’m a full-fledged Scout! That means I can travel to the frontiers! Woot! Prepare for death, evil…erm…guys from other realms! What’re their names again? Right, Mids and Hibs. Gotcha! Prepare for death, Mids and Hibs!

Off I go, saddle sores and all, to Sauvage. Ah, there’s the transporter pad! And my guild mates! NOW we’re gonna wreck some shop!

Yates (you guys know him better as Yellow Rat Bastard) says, “Uh – Kwip, this may not be such a good idea.”
You scoff.
You say, “Dude, I totally OWN PvP in AC!”
Yates says, “Two things: first, this is a rp server, goof. Second, you SUCK at PvP in AC!”
You say, “Yeah, but…er..True, kind sir, but verily I say unto you that while I may sucketh at killing others in the lands of Dereth, nobody here knows that, so shuteth thy blathering piehole!”
You say, “Besides, here I can do THIS!”
You are now hidden.
Yates laughs.

Hrmph. YRB has no confidence in my keen skills, that’s obvious.

But now the mage transporter thingy guys have arrived! Now to speed off to distant realms!

You say, “Hey! Where the hell did everyone go?”
Yates sends, “Uh…did someone forget to get their medallion?”
You send, “Medallion?” to Yates.

I hate being left out of the loop on these things.

Fifteen minutes later, everything’s straightened out; I’ve got a medallion (FIVE silver! No wonder nobody’s got any money in this game!) and the next teleport’s on its way!

Now I’ve already missed the rest of my guild, but no worries – they tell me they’re just up the road. So off I go – but I’m SMART! I travel INVISIBLE! Nobody’s gonna surprise ME in these parts, by golly! I can’t wait to demonstrate all the skills I’ve learned from…

Skathdar waves to you.

Huh? I don’t see any…
*gack*

Skathdar stabs you for 234 points of damage!
You die! (Well, yeah, no kidding. About four times over in that one shot.)

Hrmph. Lucky shot. A few minutes and several whining sessions later, and my guildmates have sent back a rescue crew. This would later get to be a habit.

Mekali waves to you.

Who’s waving to me?…
*gack*

Mexliplex waves to you.

That’s an odd name. Where is this guy, I don’t…
*gack*

Klump waves to you.

Gah! Run run run…
*gack*

Apparently, having a level three stealth skill does NOT make you invisible. When I finally make it to the rest of the group, I discover that while having a level three stealth skill is pretty bad, having a level one bow skill is worse. Were it not for gravity, my shots would not be hitting the ground.

However, my guild’s a pretty resourceful group. They put me to work scouting out areas. When I got killed, they’d know someone was out there. I felt important! I was doing something helpful! I was helping our guild!

Then I found out Yates had a stopwatch running and was taking bets on how long I could go before getting killed. It seems that 45 seconds is my record.

Sigh. Back to the frogs.

Oh lordy, not ANOTHER crack pipe!

Well, after much brow-beating and harrassment from members of my guild from AC, I finally gave in and decided to try out this Dark Age of Camelot. I’ll tell you what REALLY did it for me, though: RvR. I LOVE the way that PvP is set up in Camelot. It’s hawt.

Granted, it would be some time before I could adventure with the rest of my guild, since they’re all around lvl 40. But I picked up this crack pipe and puffed HARD.

First thing to do is decide upon a class. This isn’t that new to me; prior to AC, I’d been playing D&D for years, just like every other proper geek.

This wasn’t such a hard decision: first, I’ve always played Rangers. In Albion (the realm I had to pick because my guild was there, and if I wanted any phat lewt, I HAVE go with them – if it were up to me, I’d have been a cute little Lurikeen, but there you go), the equivalent of Rangers are the Scouts. Second, Yellow Rat Bastard is in this game, and pretty high-level. He advised me that even low-level stealthed Rangers are hard to spot.

After all this time, you’d think I know better than to listen to him.

So I start my life in Camelot as a Rogue! Yes! Perfect! Now then…where the hell am I…Oh! Woods! I like the woods! Caer..Ufuafuaufuasfuasfuasfuasduf. Yeah. Great name. Oh, wait, I’m on the roleplaying server, better straighten up –

“Yeay good sire, but this town’s name doth sound like the nether regions of a goat!”

Hrmph. What the hell’s this? A frog? You expect me to fight a FROG? Me, who is the terror of…erm…things? Really big things, even? Sigh. I can’t believe I have to stoop to this. Alrighty, short squat and green, nothing personal, but you gotta go down…
-Ten seconds later-
Gah! Run away! What the hell button makes me run faster! Dodge! Dodge! Turn invisible! Hide! What the hell you mean I can’t turn invisible? It’s a FROG, it’s not like we’re talking about the hardest minds to fool in the world!
*thwack*
What the hell was that? That’s no ordinary frog! For pete’s sake, is there a nuclear waste dump nearby or something? Good grief…I can’t believe I just died to a frog. Somewhere Kermit’s laughing his water-proof ass off at me right now. How embarrassing.

Well, let’s try one of these quest jobbies.

“Wait a sec there, Master Hadis, who was I supposed to take this to?”
“Hey! You! Answer me, jerk! What was that guys name?”
“Well, screw you AND your stupid little tasks! I’ve got a kingdom to defend!”

So I storm off. Honestly, if people expect you to get things done, they’d better explain themselves just a little better. It’s not like I was asking for the meaning of life or anything.

Ah-ha! A puny skeleton! If this were a BIG skeleton or even a MEDIUM-SIZED skeleton, I would be afraid! But it is a tiny little girly PUNY skeleton! Prepare to taste dagger, undead fiend!
*thwack*
You have failed your task.

Sonofa… I didn’t want that stupid task anyway!

Let’s see here…Guard fella! Hey! Guard guy! Yeah – anything I can do for you?
The Guardian Sergeant says, “I’m sorry, I don’t have anything for you. Come back when you are more powerful.”

 Huh? I think this is about as powerful as I’m gonna get, buster. You sure there’s no one I can rough up for you?

The Guardian Sergeant says, “I’m sorry, I don’t have anything for you. Come back when you are more powerful.”

But there’s some swamp slime right over there! Wouldn’t you like me to slay it?

The Guardian Sergeant says, “I’m sorry, I don’t have anything for you. Come back when you are more powerful.”

Look you, don’t make me kick YOUR ass while I’m at this, too!

The Guardian Sergeant smiles and fingers his sword.

Ermm…because I am a generous sort, I shall let you live. THIS time.

Hrmph. Jerks. Well, I don’t need their help! I shall go deliver death and dismemberment to the foul dwellers in this area myself!

*thwak*
Dammit! Hrmm…maybe if I try…
*thwak*
Shoot! Well, how about THIS then…
*thwak*

Sigh. Some things just never change.