Idiots Revisited!


Why is it that everyone seems to know me, yet think that THEY’LL be the one to convince me to join them? Honestly, it makes me want to cry. Or tag along with Isaac and kill people recklessly…

Seriously, I cannot show up someplace without, “Hey, Kwip, great site! – need a patron?” “Luv yur site! How about a patron?” “I could get you some phat lewt, yo” and other such nonsense erupting around me. Didn’t I get noticed bitching about this sort of thing? Or is everyone doing this just to drive me insane?

What the hell, people! Didn’t we cover this ground already? Look, I love it that TKC (Mnenoch Blood, specifically) keeps trying to recruit me. I love that guy! They’re hella cool froods, in my little book of frood-dom. But Mnenoch knows me, and he has shared many a laugh with me (usually at my expense, but hey, as long as it’s funny, right?), so at least it makes sense for him to want me under him…er…well, you know what I mean.

But Joe Blow spots me, knows exactly squat about me, and wants me to pledge to him? More often than not, it’s some hard-line Anti, too! Wouldn’t he be surprised to have to answer for Isaac’s actions? Hee hee hee…for Harry’s sake, just think of the chaos I could introduce into the ranks of some Anti guild! Mwuah-ha-ha!

But even people that ask me aren’t that annoying – do I want a patron? No. Okay, take care! See how easy that is? Mad love there! Instead, I have to deal with an exchange like this one:

Joe Blow tells you, “Need a patron?”

You say, “No thanks.”

Joe Blow tells you, “I could give you lots of lewt.”

You say, “Ummmm…no?”

Joe Blow tells you, “No, seriously – what are you?”

You say, “A person who gets greatly annoyed at disphits that refuse to take hints?”

Joe Blow tells you, “LOL!”

Joe Blow tells you, “But seriously…I’ve got some good shit for – what are you, an archer?”

Kwip sighs.

The sad thing here is that people will read this and think “Oh, god, that’s funny!” – AND THEN DO THE EXACT FUCKING THING WHEN THEY SEE ME IN GAME! AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Honestly, I really don’t make this stuff up. Ask Warchild sometime (if that little shit ever gets back in the game); he’s killed some people that pestered me about patronage….heh heh heh.

But now I’ve got some newb’s I’ve been playing w/ too. My most favoritest (yes, I know that’s not a word, piss off) is my little war mage – he’s an extreme mage template made for no other purpose other than collecting gold letters. He’s great fun to play. Kampahn and Warlokk have some newb’s too, doing the same thing – we’ve been spending our time around Shoushi getting kicked around. But every once and a while something happens that makes being a newb fun.

Today, for example, some lvl 9 doofus “Knight of Honor” or some such bullshit was pk’ing every newb that came into the Shoushi Grotto. Now, keeping in mind that this dungeon is restricted to lvls 1-6, he’s obviously been there a bit doing this sort of monkey-slapping fun. Him and his little buddy were entrenched down there, and after a few forays, it was obvious we couldn’t get him out. Then Joseph McCormik and Doug something show up, and the 5 of us storm down there and take him out. Hee hee hee! Glorious fun, it really was. Sure, he killed me bunches and bunches of times – but the truth was, I’m level 3. Oooooh, I lost some pyreals and a scarab. Whoooo! But when he died, not only did we do mean things to his body, but he could never again set foot in this dungeon! Mwuah-ha-ha! Sweetness! Oh, and he was plenty pissed, of course. He threatened to kill me, but what the hell else is new? Who isn’t trying to kill me? Hell, my vassals get kicks killing me! You think I care about some punk ass who gets his thrills over keeping a gimp in a newb dungeon to kill the newcomers? Pshaw! You can kill me all you want, gimp – it ain’t getting you back in that dungeon, hee hee hee!

God, how can anyone tire of this game?