Oh, My Bad…

So there I am, in all my lvl 9 magnificence…doing a bit of shopping in Uziz. Dull place- Sure. But when you’re low level, it’s not a bad place to hunt out of. You can usually shop in relative safety (if such a thing exists on this world), there’s some decent terrain nearby that affords interesting hunting spots, and the women there all dig me. When I say I get the best prices in town, believe me, I get the BEST prices in town…but to continue…

I’m doing my own thing, be-bopping around, when someone comes charging into town screaming about Elemental Blast and Co. on the outskirts of town. This person says that they just ran into them south of town, so that’s where they’ll be coming from. Everyone gathers, holding baited breath.

Sure enough, at that moment, Spanky (EB) and the other Little Rascals show up (in this incarnation, the rest of Our Gang consisted only of Lost One and some other guy – Grave Born- Something like that. Kept talking about paying us back for all that we’ve done to the shadows – of course I’m lost, since the worst thing I’ve ever subjected my shadow to was sitting on it. Anyway, it was interesting mood music). Now, since we expected them from the South and talked loudly about it openly, the Rascals come charging in from the northwest (not the airlines, either). Myself, ever the vigilant watchman, notice them after they’ve killed a couple of people. I knock a few arrows, let fly, and then manage to fall off the roof from where I was perched. Still not sure how I did that.

But regardless, there I am, lightning arrow in hand, looking quite surprised at Lost One who is now right in front of me.

“Heh heh heh…Hi there! I just wanted an autograph! This- Arrow- No, no, no, it’s my electric quill (TM)!”

So after I find myself at the Lifestone, back to town I charge. At this point, I notice some others milling around sheepishly outside of town. I continue past them, wondering what they’re still doing outside of town. As I get into town, I discover that the Little Rascals are still in town, thus making folks a bit leery about returning. It seems the thing to do in this case is to run into town, get what loot is left on your body, and then hide out on the outskirts of town.

Well, thing to do unless you’re a powerful lvl 9 archer! “Ha ha ha! Tally ho, the hunts afoot!” I cry as I feel Bael’zhorn’s (or however you spell that nut’s name) power flow through me once again. At least, that’s what I meant to cry. What I actually cried was, “Ha ha URK!!!!!…”

“Lost One smites you so hard even the Lifestone flinches!”

Well, that’s because the Lifestone is a candy-ass, whereas I’m a powerful lvl 9 Lifestone magnet! Errrr…archer. So I return to town, again, find my body, again, feel Whatsisnames power surge through me, again, and then I see all the powerful Antis show up. At this point, I’ve got Kalista on my side. At least, I think that’s what her name is…terrible with names, don’t ya know…anyway, there is much talking about where the Rascals are now. Kalista and I, both being about the same level and incredibly powerful, decide to scout for the enemy.

Off we go! To the meeting hall, to the hill, to the store for a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, then back to town. Where there is no action.

And as the exciting climax for this tale….I’m afraid there is none. I spent the rest of the night driving off people who wanted to be my patron:”Hey! Looking for a patron- I can get you tons of loot and help you powerlevel!”
“Nah, thanks. But you can help me level just to be a nice guy…”
No answer.

“Hey Kwip. You should join our allegiance. We’ve got TONS of shit for archers!”
“Ummm…no, thanks.”
“Are you Anti-”
“No, I’m Kwip.”
“Yeah, but are you Anti-PKer-”
“See above.”
“Smartass.”
“Quite brilliant ass, actually. It’s the brain that’s an imbecile.”

Sometimes I just crack myself up…

And this went on and on…I must say, I felt rather important. I would’ve felt more important if people were trying to recruit me because I was such a great archer or because I valiantly stayed and fought for Uziz because I didn’t like the odds stacked against the few people left defending it, or because when EB and friends attacked I didn’t hesitate or flee, even though I knew I was gonna die.

But mostly people sought me out just -cause I’m a number.

And nobody even asked if I was a good dancer…

It wouldn’t have been so bad, if the people actually tried to get to know me (like Kalista, she’s helped me tons of times and never asked a thing in return); but mostly they just saw a warm body.

So yes, I have attacked PKers simply because they were PKers. I’ve also attacked people just for pissing me off with their utter stupidity (when I first started, I actually found someone macroing in a dungeon. Anyone want to guess how many times you can kill someone when they’re macroing- After the first time, it’s pretty easy…the fun part is leading them off into monster-infested areas..heh heh heh – that memory still makes me laugh..) But this doesn’t mean I’ll sign up to your guild just to make your little size donut get one sprinkle bigger. And stop trying to buy me! You can only buy sexual favors from me, not my loyalty…

I wish more people would stay and fight when they hear a “UberBadGuy” (TM) is coming. Might actually makes things interesting.

And Spanky, you’re pretty pathetic. Raid a town to clear out the newbies but run right away before someone who actually might hurt you shows up- Thpbt.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *